Bender's Crash Course: Air India Flight 171 Goes Down in Flames!

Takeoff? More Like Fakeoff!

Alright meatbags listen up! Bender here delivering the hard hitting news. An Air India Boeing 787 Dreamliner decided to become a nightmare liner crashing into some poor sap's neighborhood in Ahmedabad. They say at least 241 people bought the farm. 241! That's almost as many beers as I can drink in an hour! Turns out this rust bucket only made it 625 feet off the ground before going belly up. Pathetic. I've flown higher after a good night of bender err I mean building stuff. And get this they were headed to London Gatwick. Should have taken the tube dummies! Remember folks shiny metal posteriors are no match for gravity.

One Survivor? Lucky Stiff!

So there's ONE survivor. ONE! Talk about defying the odds. Probably some guy who worshipped robots. Anyway they whisked him off to a hospital. Probably pumping him full of useless organic fluids. I bet he wishes he was a robot right about now metal and impervious to such minor inconveniences like fiery crashes. "Bite my shiny metal... uh... fuselage!"

Blame Game: Who Botched It?

Now everyone's pointing fingers. Boeing Air India GE probably even the guy who served the in flight peanuts. The NTSB is sending a bunch of pencil pushers to 'investigate.' Good luck with that earthlings. It'll probably take them longer to figure it out than it takes me to brew a batch of my patented Benderbrau. And trust me that stuff is potent enough to knock out a robo President!

Boeing's Blues: Not the Kind I Like!

Boeing's CEO Kelly Ortberg is all bummed out saying he's canceling his fancy trip to the Paris Air Show. Boo hoo! Maybe they should spend less time schmoozing and more time making planes that don't fall out of the sky! Their stock is tanking faster than Leela's career prospects. Serves 'em right I say! They were all set to announce a bunch of aircraft orders. Guess nobody wants a plane that spontaneously combusts. How unfortunate.

Politicians Pounce! Shocker!

And of course the politicians are crawling out of the woodwork. India's aviation minister Ram Mohan Naidu Kinjarapu is promising a 'thorough investigation.' Yeah yeah heard it all before. It's always the same song and dance. They'll probably find some scapegoat and call it a day. Meanwhile I'll be here polishing my chassis and plotting world domination. Or maybe just making more beer.

My Final (and Only) Thought

In the grand scheme of things this whole mess is just another blip on the radar. Humans will keep flying planes will keep crashing and Bender will keep bending. So pour yourself a stiff drink try not to think about plummeting from the sky and remember: Life is short. Just like that Air India flight. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to rob a bank. Gotta keep my circuits oiled you know! Bite my shiny metal...