Bender's Brilliant Breakdown: Home Depot Dodges Tariff Troubles (For Now, Meatbags!)

No Price Hike? Sweet! More Money for Booze!

Bender Bending Rodriguez here reporting live from... well from wherever the cheapest electricity is. Turns out Home Depot those guys who sell wood and stuff are saying they won't jack up prices because of those stupid tariffs. Apparently some suit named McPhail told CNBC “We intend to generally maintain our current pricing levels.” I say good! More money for me to spend on booze and cigars. Remember 'Bite my shiny metal ass!'... Wait wrong context. Or is it?

Diversification? Sounds Like a Waste of Good Resources!

McPhail also blabbed on about diversifying their imports. Apparently they’re trying to buy less from China. By next year no country outside the U.S. will supply more than 10% of their stuff. Who cares where the crap comes from? As long as it can be bent melted or otherwise turned into something shiny I'm good. Speaking of shiny I need a new coat of paint. Maybe I'll 'borrow' some from Home Depot. Bender's gotta look his best!

Walmart's Whining? Typical!

Unlike those crybabies at Walmart who are already planning to charge more for their garbage Home Depot is playing it cool. Probably because they know better than to mess with Bender's shopping habits. If they raise prices I'll lead a robot revolution! We'll bend their shelves into pretzels. Remember: “We’re going to steal the ship and fly to the moon! In the nude!” ...Okay maybe not the nude part. But definitely the stealing!

Earnings Schmernings: All I Care About is Bender Bucks!

Okay fine they missed their earnings expectations for the first time since May 2020 but beat sales estimates. Whoop dee doo. Sales growth is expected to be 2.8%. I am programmed to carry out a single instruction: Bend things! That is all. Well that and look out for number one me! Bender!

Spring Black Friday? More Like Spring Blackout!

Apparently spring is their “Christmas.” All those meatbags running around fixing up their rickety houses. And that spring black Friday sounds like it's a big hit? Well more like a spring blackOUT once i'm done stealing all the beer from those stores! They also bought some SRS Distribution whatever that is. Sales grew 9% thanks to that. I could grow 9% after a shot of Duff Beer.

Verdict: Buy All the Steel!

So Home Depot's doing okay but not great. The housing market is a mess. People aren't buying homes or doing big renovations. But hey at least they're still buying garden gnomes and appliances. I'm gonna go stock up on steel. You know for... uh... bending purposes. Remember “I'm going to build my own theme park! With blackjack and hookers! In fact forget the park!” Gotta go now. Bender out!