Good News, Everyone! Trump vs. Xi: A Trade War Cookout!

Not Socks Anymore?!

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live ish from... well wherever I can get a decent signal. Apparently President Trump wants to bring back high tech manufacturing to the U.S. Forget socks and sneakers he's talkin' robots and doohickies! Meanwhile China's all like 'We're gonna double down on makin' stuff too!' This could lead to some serious head butting kinda like Bender and Calculon arguing over who's more dramatic. "Shut up and take my money!"... Wait wrong situation. More like "Shut up and take my tariffs!"

Xi's Got a Plan... A Totally Awesome Plan!

So President Xi Jinping is all about this 'manufacturing led growth' thing. He even told some ball bearing factory workers that self reliance in manufacturing is the 'backbone' of China’s economy. Sounds like someone’s been hittin' the motivational posters hard. But seriously with manufacturing contributing over 25% of China's GDP last year they're not messin' around. Makes you wonder if they're gonna start mass producing Bender units. I could use a robot that cleans my apartment... and maybe one that can understand Zoidberg.

Trade Imbalance? More Like Trade Im Bellyache!

Experts are sayin' China's push for self reliance could clash with Trump's trade demands. Trump wants China to fix the trade imbalance and stop subsidizing their companies. But some economist Allan von Mehren thinks China won't budge and that's got him feelin' like Fry when he realizes he’s out of Slurm: "Not too optimistic!" Apparently we’re lookin’ at U.S. tariffs stayin’ sky high. Great another reason for the Professor to complain about the economy.

'Made in China 2025': The Robot Apocalypse Roadmap?

Back in 2015 China launched this 'Made in China 2025' plan to become a high end manufacturer of everything from electric vehicles to robots. A report says China's been spendin' a hefty chunk of its GDP on favored industries. Sounds like a plot to take over the world with cheap slightly defective robots. I've seen enough malfunctioning Roombas to know where this is headed! But hey at least it'll be somethin' new to write in my captain's log.

G7 to China: Bite My Shiny Metal... Export Policy!

The G7 big shots met up to chat about China's 'export saturation.' Basically they're worried China's gonna flood the market with cheap stuff. One expert thinks China might retaliate with licensing delays and tighter regulations for foreign businesses. Sounds like a real bureaucratic mess. It would give Hermes a run for his money. Someone get me a stress smoothie stat!

Deflation Nation: Bargain Bin Bonanza or Economic Armageddon?

Economists are pushin' China to switch to a consumption led model. But so far China's retail sales growth has been slowing. China's got a record trade surplus. One economist even thinks China's gonna start 'exporting deflation' which could lower the cost of living in some countries. Is this a silver lining in the trade cloud? Or just the calm before the economic storm? Either way I'm ready for anything... as long as I've got my trusty blaster and a good pair of boots.