Screw You Guys, I'm Buying an Xpeng! Chinese EV Stock Goes Ballistic!

Respect My Authoritah! Xpeng Stock Goes Super Saiyan!

Oh my god you guys! Listen up! That stupid Chinese car company Xpeng is suddenly like totally awesome! Their stock in Hong Kong went freakin' ballistic soaring over 10%! I'm talking 'Kyle's mom is a bitch' levels of crazy! Year to date they're up 78%! 78 you guys! That’s more than I get for doing absolutely nothing. This is serious you guys. Seriously awesome!

Double the Revenue Half the Suck!

Apparently Xpeng's revenue more than doubled! Doubled I tell you! All those stupid hippies are buying electric cars and Xpeng is laughin' all the way to the bank! They delivered like a gazillion cars in the first three months – 94,008 to be exact. That’s more than I have freakin' toys in my freakin' basement! And get this their losses went down! Less suck for Xpeng more suck for everyone else. Sweet!

Gross Margin? Sounds Disgusting But Apparently It's Good!

Okay so they're talking about something called 'gross margin,' which sounds totally disgusting but apparently it's good. Xpeng's gross margin went up to 15.6%! I don't know what that means but it sounds like a bigger number than before so it must be awesome! Plus they're launchin' new models like that MONA thing. MONA! What a stupid name but whatever. As long as it makes money I don't give a crap.

Level 3 Autonomous Driving? Sounds Like a Video Game!

They're saying Xpeng is gonna start mass producing cars with Level 3 autonomous driving. Level 3! It's like a freakin' video game! Soon those stupid cars will be drivin' themselves and I can sit in the back and eat Cheesy Poofs all day! Butters will be so jealous. He can suck my balls!

Show Me the Money! Xpeng's Making it Rain!

For the next quarter Xpeng is expecting to make like a bazillion yuan! They're predicting they'll deliver over 100,000 cars! A HUNDRED THOUSAND! That's more than there are gingers in the world! All that money is makin' investors super happy and their stock in the US is going up too. So screw you guys I'm buying an Xpeng! And you can all suck my balls if you don't like it!

Still Not as Rich as Kyle's Mom But Getting There!

Okay so Xpeng's stock is still not as high as it used to be. But it's getting there! And while other companies like that stupid BYD are doing okay and NIO is failing Xpeng is the one to watch! Remember the name you stupid fourth graders! Xpeng! Because soon I'll be rollin' in dough thanks to those Chinamen! Now if you'll excuse me I have some Cheesy Poofs to eat and a company to invest in. Respect my authoritah!