Screw You Guys, China's Profits are Taking a Dive! Respect My Authoritah!

Respect My Authoritah China!

Alright you guys listen up! I'm Eric Cartman and I'm telling you China's screwing up! Their industrial profits? Down 9.1% in May! Can you believe it? That's like Kyle trying to tell me what to do! It's the biggest drop since last October which by the way was almost as bad as when I had to dress up like a Coon. Seriously they need to get their act together or I'm gonna have to go over there and teach them a thing or two. And I'm not talking about playing teeball I mean business!

Blame Canada! (and Maybe Trump)

So these bean counters are saying that cumulative profits are down 1.1% for the first five months of 2025. A whole 1.1%??? What am I supposed to do with that?! Buy less cheesy poofs? No way dude! Citibank thinks they'll still grow 5% which is what China is aiming for. But I'm telling you those nerds at Citibank don't know crap! Probably Butters wrote the report.

Exports? More Like EX CRAP!

Apparently China's exports are still decent even with Trump's stupid tariffs. They're selling a bunch of junk to Southeast Asia and Europe. But shipments to the U.S. are down like 34.5%! That's almost as much as Kyle whines in a day. Citi thinks their exports will grow 2.3% but U.S. shipments will drop 10%. Well duh! Who wants their crap anyway? We have better stuff here in South Park!

Trump's 'Deal'? More Like a Crappy Framework!

So Trump said he signed a deal with China? What a joke! Turns out it's just some 'understanding of a framework' to implement the Geneva agreement. What does that even mean? It's like saying I'm gonna be nice to Kyle... NEVER! This Geneva deal is about China being cheapskates with minerals and the U.S. being a jerk about tech and student visas. Sounds like a bunch of hippie crap to me.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home! (to Eat Cheesy Poofs)

Seriously this whole thing is giving me a headache. I need to go home and eat some cheesy poofs and watch TV. Maybe play some video games. I'm sure none of this China crap will affect me anyway. I'm Eric Cartman! I'm invincible! Except maybe to my mom but that's different.

Bonus Content: Sweet!

Oh and before I forget respect my authoritah! If China doesn't start listening to me I'm gonna unleash the Coon and Mysterion on them! They'll be begging for mercy! Now where are my damn cheesy poofs?