Great Success or Sh*t Show?! China and America Fight Like Cats and Wives Over Tariffs!

Jagshemash! The Market Has Spoken!

Chenqui! Borat here reporting live from... well not from Kazakhstan because is too poor to afford plane ticket! But I read on internet about big kerfuffle between my friend the U.S. and China. Seems they are fighting like my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay and his wife over who gets to milk the goat! China Foreign Ministry say 'The market has spoken!' after U.S. put big tariff on everything. Is like when I try to sell my sister for four chickens – the market speaks and it say 'Borat you are very bad negotiator!'

Stock Market Goes Down Like Pants at a Public Bath!

The U.S. stock market it went down! Very down! Like when I try to ride the horse but instead fall face first into manure. All the important indexes dropped more than 5%. This is very bad like finding out your prize winning melon is actually just a painted rock. China retaliate with 34% tariff on all goods from America! Is like when my neighbor steal my goat so I steal his wife! Tit for tat very effective!

Inflation! Recession! Sounds Like a Disease!

All this tariff business makes investors worry about inflation and recession. These words sound like diseases from village doctor. Inflation is when prices go up like when I try to buy new tracksuit and is suddenly more expensive than goat. Recession is when economy goes bad like when I try to start a new business selling fermented horse milk but nobody want to buy. Very bad for everyone!

China Blames America: Is Unprovoked and Unjustified!

Guo Jiakun Chinese Foreign Ministry big mouth say the trade war is 'unprovoked and unjustified.' Is like when I blame my wife for eating all the plov even though I am the one who ate it! He wants White House to talk like equals. Very difficult like trying to teach bear to dance ballet.

Trump Say 'I Like!'... Maybe?

President Trump he announces new tariffs like he is giving away free vodka! He puts 10% tariff on almost every country and even bigger tariffs on China. He say is 'reciprocal tariff policy.' This means 'you scratch my back I punch you in face!' He doesn't seem to care about stock market going down. He say 'big business' not worried and his policies never change. Is like when I wear my same bathing suit to every occasion even funeral. Very stubborn!

Very Nice! Or Very Sh*tty?

So what will happen next? Will China and America make peace or will they keep fighting like cats and wives? Only time will tell! But one thing is for sure: this trade war is very complicated and confusing like trying to understand American humor! I go now I must find new tracksuit. Chenqui!