Say Hello to My Little Oil Dip! Trump's Iran Deal Sends Prices Plunging!

First You Get the Power Then You Get the Oil Then You Get the Women!

Listen up you punks! Tony Montana's got something to say about this oil business. So Trump that crazy son of a bitch he's saying China can still buy oil from Iran? After all that tough talk? What is this a freaking joke? Looks like the 'maximum pressure' thing went softer than my cashmere sweaters. Oil prices are falling faster than my enemies in a drive by Brent down $3.33 and U.S. crude? Fuggedaboutit! Down $3.18. This ain't the American dream this is a freaking fire sale!

Trump's Truth Social Rant: More Like Truth... Kinda?

This is what happens when you let a reality TV star play president! Trump's yapping on his little Truth Social thing saying China's buying oil hoping they buy from the U.S. too. 'It was my Great Honor to make this happen!' he says. Honor? It's more like a freaking rollercoaster up and down confusing everyone! He was threatening to ban anyone buying Iranian oil now he's playing nice? I'm telling you these politicians they're all a bunch of 'chicken shit'!

Remember the Bombing? Yeah Good Times

So the U.S. joined Israel in bombing some nuke sites in Iran everyone thought the s*** was gonna hit the fan. 'Major supply disruption,' they were saying. I remember those days when I was fearing Iran would choke off oil exports from the Persian Gulf. Instead Iran did something a little bit stupid: they launched a missile at a U.S. base in Qatar. No one died. Then Trump announced a ceasefire. What a joke!! It was like a freaking soap opera!

Ceasefire? More Like a Cease...Fire...Then More Fire!

This ceasefire thing? It's shakier than my hand after a night of... uh... 'negotiations'. Trump's already yelling at both Iran and Israel saying they're breaking the deal. 'I'm not happy with Israel!' he says. I'm not happy either I'm not happy with ANY of you goombahs! This is all a big mess and I hate mess. You know what I do with mess? I clean it up!

Strait of Hormuz: Don't Even THINK About Closing It!

And then there's this Strait of Hormuz business. Iran's parliament these morons they approved closing it down. That's like cutting off your own nose to spite your face! All the oil from Saudi Arabia UAE Iraq Kuwait Bahrain... it all goes through there! But don't worry the decision is still with the national security council. I'm telling you if they close that strait it's going to be a bloodbath. Not just oil prices everything will go crazy. So they better not do it.

Tony Montana's Prediction: Chaos Maybe? Money Definitely!

So what's gonna happen? Who the hell knows! These Middle East cats are crazier than my ex wife. But one thing's for sure: where there's chaos there's opportunity. Tony Montana always finds a way to make money. So let them fight let them squabble let the oil prices go up and down like a yo yo. I'll be sitting here counting my millions and saying to all of them: 'You need people like me so you can point your fingers and say 'That's the bad guy'.'