Say Hello to My Little Monopoly: Microsoft Dodges EU Bullet!

First You Get the Power Then You Get the Women...

Listen up you punks! Tony Montana's got the inside scoop on this Microsoft business. These guys were sweating bullets 'cause of the EU huh? They were looking at a fine bigger than my mansion all because of this Teams crap. Seems like Salesforce with that Slack they bought was cryin' like a bunch of babies to the EU commission sayin' Microsoft was playin' dirty. Like I never played dirty right? But Microsoft they ain't stupid. They're smooth operators like me with a fresh suit and a kilo.

Everyone Loves the Price Eh?

So what does Microsoft do? They go to the EU regulators and offer them a deal they can't refuse. They're gonna make the price difference between Office with Teams and Office without Teams bigger. Bigger you hear me? So if you want that Teams crap you gotta pay extra. If not no need. Like offering a choice between Columbian marching powder and some weak ass coke from Miami. What do you think people will choose?

The Art of the Deal Scarface Style

This ain't charity you understand? It's business. Microsoft's basically saying "Here EU take this bone and leave us alone." They're playing the game just like I played the game. Except instead of bullets and blood they're using spreadsheets and lawyers. Smart huh? It's like I always said "The world is yours," if you got the brains and the balls to take it.

Slack is For Slackers

And what about Slack huh? They thought they had Microsoft by the balls. Now they're left with nothing but a handful of complaints and a bunch of lawyers fees. This is what happens when you act like a punk. You get stepped on. Tony Montana doesn't get stepped on.

The Commission is Watching… and Waiting

Now the EU commission they're gonna ask around see what other companies think. They'll ask rivals they'll ask customers. But let's be real this deal is pretty much done. Microsoft played them like a cheap fiddle. They knew they could use the free market like a weapon. And it looks like they may be right. When you’re trying to move a mountain you need a bigger shovel.

Say Goodnight to the Bad Guy (Microsoft)

So Microsoft walks away a little bruised but still standing. Slack gets a big fat 'L'. And the EU? Well they get to pretend they're doing their job. But Tony Montana knows the truth: money talks and Microsoft's got a whole lotta money. So remember "You need people like me so you can point your fingers and say 'That's the bad guy'." And Microsoft? They're the bad guys who just won. Now go get me some Cristal.