The World Is Yours... Or Is It?
Alright listen up you punks. They tell me Trump's first 100 days? Fuggedaboutit! Worse than Nixon they say. Nixon! That's like comparing a chihuahua to a pitbull you know? The S&P 500 that fancy pants index dropped almost 8%. Eight percent! That's more than I used to spend on cigars in a week! These guys are crying about a few points I was moving mountains of coke! What do they know about problems? They don't know from problems they don't know from nothin'!
From 'Make America Great Again' to 'Make My Portfolio Bleed Again'
Remember all that hype after the election? 'Tax cuts!' 'Deregulation!' Everyone was humping each other's legs thinking they were gonna be swimming in dough eh? Then Trump starts flapping his gums about tariffs and everyone starts sweating like they're in a sauna with El Rubio. This market's got less spine than my accountant after a visit from Sosa.
Reciprocal Tariffs? More Like 'Reciprocal Recession'
This guy Trump he announces some 'reciprocal' tariff bullshit and the market takes a freakin' nosedive! I'm talking a 10% drop in two days! Barely avoided a bear market. A bear market? I dealt with bigger bears than that in Bolivia you know? Then he backs off a little gives everyone 90 days to kiss his ring. 90 days? I didn't give my enemies 90 minutes.
Everyone's Looking for the Bottom But I'm Already There
Some jabroni named Jeffrey Hirsch is saying this is just a 'bear market rally'. What a maroon! He's 'not convinced we're out of the woods'. Listen pal there ain't no woods! It's all jungle out there you understand? And in the jungle you either eat or get eaten. That's the truth just ask Manny.
The S&P 500? More Like the S&P Zero!
This S&P 500 hit a high in February then it started tanking like a leaky boat. It's wiped out all the post election gains. All of them! It's like buying a whole mountain of product and then getting raided by the cops. No bueno! So Trump's got a couple of days to try to make things better huh? He needs a miracle or maybe just a good connect.
Who Do I Trust? Me That's Who!
Look these guys are always going to be talking garbage trying to get your money make their money! What you need is a guy like me. I know how to take risks. I know how to make money. And I know how to *keep* it. Just remember what I always say: 'I always tell the truth even when I lie'. So take it from Tony Montana: the market is a freakin' rollercoaster grab on tight or get thrown off capiche?
Donald Trump stock market S&P 500 economy recession tariffs Wall Street investment bear market Tony Montana
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Chevron
Is it too late to move to Canada?
gabs8513
Sell, sell, sell! Before it's all gone!
beautifulmess1995
Tony Montana knows what's up!
ribidun
I am gonna get the money first, then when I get the money, I get the power. Then when I get the power, then I get the woman.
Ejackk
Say 'ello to my little friend!
bobbyboy101
I miss the days when the biggest problem was finding a decent avocado.
kgabauer
At least we still have Netflix, right?