Say Hello to Layoffs! Microsoft Gives 9,000 Employees the Boot!

First You Get the Money Then You Get the Axe

Alright listen up you punks. Microsoft yeah the big cheese they just gave 9,000 people the 'You're Fired!' treatment. Less than 4% of their whole damn empire they say. But hey 9,000 is still a lot of mouths to feed you know? They’re saying it's 'organizational changes' or some other bullshit. Like I didn't hear that before. You know what I call it? Saving a few bucks while still swimming in money like Scrooge McDuck. But hey business is business even if it’s a dirty one.

Another One Bites the Dust...Again

This ain't Microsoft's first rodeo with the layoff game. They already chopped heads earlier this year talking about 'performance'. Performance my ass! It's all about the bottom line baby. They cut some in January then whacked over 6,000 in May and another 300 in June. You know what that sounds like to me? A freakin' massacre! They had 228,000 people working for them. I employed less people in my empire.

Nokia? More Like No Kia!

Remember when Microsoft bought Nokia? Yeah well that ended with 18,000 people getting the boot in 2014. Eighteen THOUSAND! That's like wiping out a small city. They always say it's about streamlining cutting the fat. But let's be real it's about making the big boys even fatter. They're looking to reduce the number of layers of managers that stand between individual contributors and top executives. In other words less middle men getting a cut of the pie you understand?

Gaming the System (and the Employees)

Phil Spencer the head honcho of Microsoft gaming is talking about 'strategic growth' and 'increasing agility'. Sounds like a bunch of fancy words for 'We need to make more money so some of you gotta go!' To position Gaming for enduring success and allow us to focus on strategic growth areas we will end or decrease work in certain areas of the business and follow Microsoft's lead in removing layers of management to increase agility and effectiveness. What a joke.

Profits So High You Could Ski Down Them!

Here's the kicker: Microsoft is rolling in dough! They made almost $26 billion in the last quarter on $70 billion in revenue. That's more money than I ever made in my best days! And their stock? Sky high! But hey who cares about making a little less when you can make a LOT more right? That's the American way baby! This whole thing stinks worse than a pile of fish left in the sun.

Everybody's Doing It!

Microsoft ain't alone in this layoff fiesta. Autodesk Chegg CrowdStrike – they're all cutting back. And the worst part? ADP says the whole private sector lost jobs last month. Economists were predicting growth but what do they know? They're just a bunch of guys with calculators trying to figure out where the next bomb will drop. You gotta stay on your toes amigos. This world is a jungle and everybody's out to eat you alive!