Pope Francis Croaked! Did He Know Too Much?!

Say 'ello to my Little Friend... Frankie's Gone!

Alright listen up you punks! That Pope Frankie the one from Argentina kicked the bucket. The Vatican is saying he croaked at 88. Cardinal Kevin Farrell some dude I never heard of made the announcement. Said Frankie went to the 'house of the Father.' What is this some kinda religious vacation home? He dedicated his life to the Lord and the Church? I dedicate my life to makin' money and avoidin' the cops see? Now that's dedication!

From Bouncer to Bishop! What a Trip!

This Frankie guy born Jorge Mario Bergoglio had a wild life before wearin' those fancy robes. Janitor nightclub bouncer chemical technician... He was slingin' beakers before slingin' holy water! Then bam! ordained a priest and before you can say 'hail Mary,' he's runnin' the Jesuit show in Argentina. Pope John Paul II now that's a name I recognize made him a bishop. Life it's a crazy ride eh? One minute you're throwin' drunks out of a club the next you're chargin' at the gates of Heaven!

Culture Wars and Communion Chaos!

This Frankie he walked into a world on fire. U.S. bishops tryin' to block Biden from communion because of abortion? Gimme a break! Frankie was like 'Communion ain't a prize you dummies!' He said 'Be pastors not politicians.' Smart move Frankie. Politics? That's for guys like me not some holy man. But this abortion thing? He called it 'homicide.' See even Frankie knew some lines you just don't cross. 'You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend!'...except he was probably more gentle about it.

Todos Todos Todos! Everyone Gets a Piece!

This guy Frankie was reachin' out to the gays and lesbians sayin' the Church gotta be cool with everyone. Even told his priests they could bless same sex couples! The church shouldn't be doin' some exhaustive moral analysis to decide who gets love and mercy he said. 'Todos todos todos!' Everyone gets a piece of the pie that was his motto eh? He also wanted more women in the Church givin' 'em the right to vote. This is some progressive stuff even for a guy like me with my enlightened views on...business.

Health Scares and Hospital Stays! The Price of Power!

Frankie had his share of health problems. Part of a lung gone surgeries left and right. They cut him up like a Christmas turkey! Colon surgery bronchitis... he was always in and out of the hospital. Even joked about it sayin' he was 'still alive' before bein' wheeled outta there. Bein' the Pope? It's a tough gig. All that prayin' and politickin' and wearin' those heavy hats... it'll wear a guy down ya know?

What Now Eh? The Church Without Frankie!

So Frankie's gone. The big cheese the top dog the head honcho... out of the picture. The Church is gonna be lookin' for a new guy to run the show. Wonder who's gonna step up? Someone who's gonna keep stirrin' the pot or someone who's gonna play it safe? Either way it's gonna be interestin'. Me? I'll be watchin' from my mansion countin' my money and rememberin' the time I almost got religion myself... almost. The world is yours they always told me.