Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Tariffs Are Screwing Over Your Wedding, Morty!

Another Fine Mess Morty!

Alright Morty listen up. You see this mess? This… this whole article about tariffs and wedding dresses? It’s a galactic clusterfuck Morty. Some Earth dude named Trump thought it was a brilliant idea to slap giant taxes on Chinese imports. And guess what Morty? Your precious little bridal industry is taking a face full of interdimensional goo. Almost all the dresses are made in China or some other backwater dimension in Asia. W well now these shops are getting hit with some seriously inflated prices. It’s like the Cromulons just decided to drop a giant tax asteroid on your wedding plans. Get it together Morty!

Skilled Seamstresses? More Like Skilled at Exploitation Morty!

And don't even get me started on 'skilled seamstresses,' Morty. These Earthlings whine about not having enough of 'em here in the US. It's cheaper to ship your dreams to the other side of the planet. So the fact is that the global supply chain is complex Morty! It’s not some… some simpleton’s game of checkers. And now these tariffs are screwing it all up. W Well get used to it Morty this is Earth economics. Ooo wee!

Mom and Pop Shops Screwed Again Morty!

These little shops are going to get vaporized Morty! Just poof! Gone! Because they can’t compete. They are already getting shafted and now these tariffs are on top of it all! It's a vicious cycle Morty like me and your grandpa stuff – it just keeps going around and around. But hey at least the rich get richer right Morty? That’s how it works on this… this godforsaken planet.

Sticker Shock? More Like Reality Check Morty!

Oh sticker shock Morty? You think $2,100 for a wedding dress is bad? Wait 'til they add another 30 40% because of these tariffs. Then Morty you’ll see true sticker shock. Weddings are already a cosmic waste of money. I mean it’s all just performative garbage for the benefit of family members who secretly hate each other. People spending more than 30 grand for one day? You could buy a spaceship for that Morty! A real functional one! But no let's blow it all on flowers and cake.

Adapt or Die Brides!

David's Bridal is moving their production out of China. Smart move Morty even if it took them two bankruptcies to figure it out. These businesses have to adapt or become fertilizer for the ground. Find cheaper dimensions outsource to sentient alien species or just start making dresses out of recycled garbage. I don’t know Morty use your imagination! Or don't. I don’t care. Whatever gets me my Szechuan sauce am I right?

Surcharges and Slowed Production? Sounds Like My Liver Morty!

These bridal companies are tacking on tariff surcharges. And slowing production just like my… uh… well never mind. It's gonna hurt Morty. But that's life. Or you know one of many many lives in infinite realities. Speaking of which I need a drink. Anyone got any portal fluid?