India vs. X: Government's Account Blocking Antics, Or How I Learned to Stop Caring and Love the Block Button

One Hour No Justification: My Kind of Efficiency!

Alright listen up because this is about to get REAL. So apparently India's government led by this Modi guy (never met him probably wouldn't like him) told X formerly Twitter – boo lame name change – to block over 2,000 accounts. And get this they wanted it done in like an hour! No 'please,' no 'pretty please with a plumbus on top,' just BAM! Block 'em! Frankly I respect the commitment to speed. If only Morty could get his act together that fast. One hour to wipe out dissenting voices? That’s almost as quick as I can chug a bottle of Szechuan sauce. Almost.

Reuters? More Like Re Blocked!

So Reuters those guys who think 'journalism' is a real job got their accounts blocked too. The main account AND ReutersWorld. Can you believe it? They were briefly silenced. I mean come on India! You can't just go around blocking everyone you disagree with. Unless of course they're talking smack about Szechuan sauce then by all means nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. And who cares anyway? The infinite realities mean there are infinite Reuters infinitely getting blocked or not. Existence is pain!

Government Says "Oops! My Bad!"

The Indian government's Press Information Bureau which sounds like a bureaucratic nightmare straight out of Blips and Chitz claims it wasn't them who demanded the blocking. They're playing the "whoops our bad" card. Suuuure. Anyway they were eventually unblocked on Sunday. You know sometimes I think this whole universe is just a poorly written sitcom. And I'm the only one who gets the jokes.

Elon The Free Speech Knight (in a Tesla)

Ah Elon. That guy thinks he's some kind of free speech absolutist. He even sued India over this censorship business. Thinks he’s making a difference. Newsflash Elon: you can't fix stupid or in this case governments. He talks about the need for freedom of speech like it is a new toy even though he doesn't like it when people use their freedom of speech to disagree with him or call him names. It's like he has a Meeseeks box for 'free speech' and it quickly goes awry.

From Bird App to... Whatever X Is

Remember when Twitter was a bird? Simpler times. Now it's X. What the hell is X? Is it a math variable? Is it the tenth letter of the alphabet? Who cares! Elon bought it because he thought he was gonna save the world or something. Probably just wanted to tweet about Dogecoin without getting ratioed. You know same old song and dance. Change the name same old power dynamics. As I always say 'Nobody exists on purpose nobody belongs anywhere everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV?'

The Moral of the Story? There Isn't One Morty

So what have we learned Morty? Nothing! India blocked some accounts then unblocked them. Elon is still Elon. The world is still a mess. The only constant is that I'm still the smartest guy in the universe. Now let’s go get some Szechuan sauce and forget this whole thing ever happened. It’s all just a simulation anyway and a pretty boring one at that.