Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Oil Prices Take a Schwifty Dip Amidst Interdimensional Conflict!

Great Scott! Oil Rollercoaster Alert!

Alright Morty buckle up 'cause things are about to get schwifty! So these Earthicans they're at it again with their little squabbles – Israel and Iran fighting over who gets to control the… *burp*… the space rocks that make their cars go vroom vroom. U.S. crude hit $77.49 per barrel but then like a poorly aimed portal gun it went all downhill from there. Down $1.08 or 1.5% to $71.90 a barrel Morty! ONE POINT FIVE PERCENT! Do you know how many Szechuan sauces I could buy with that?! Apparently everyone's got their undies in a bunch thinking the war won't mess with the price of dino juice that makes their combustion mobiles go. As if anyone knows anything am I right Morty?

Forty Two Gallons Makes One Barrel So What?

Some pencil pushing nerds at Rystad Energy are saying prices won't go above $80 a barrel. Oh geez Rick are they right? Who knows Morty? Who cares? They're just saying what Trump wants to hear so he can keep his gas prices low. It's all just political theater Morty like a Jerry directed improv show just pathetic. Meanwhile they were hitting each other's gas facilities. No one knows how bad but believe me Morty It probably involves paperwork.

Gas Fields and Depot Smackdowns: Sponsored By The Council of Ricks!

So the Israelis hit some gas fields in Iran and Iran retaliated by messing with an oil refinery in Haifa. Fourth day running! Aerial superiority my ass! It's like watching two ants fight over a crumb… a crumb that could potentially blow up the entire picnic. According to the Jerusalem Post Israel hit a major oil depot near Tehran. You can't make this stuff up Morty.

Largest Move Since the Time Before Last Tuesday… or Something.

Oil prices spiked 7% after Israel started dropping bombs like they were trying to win a bad prize at Blips and Chitz. Last week saw a 13% jump the biggest since… oh who gives a squanch? Since when Russia decided to play world domination with Ukraine. It's all connected Morty! Everything's connected! Now if you'll excuse me I need to go calibrate my portal gun before reality itself decides to take a dump on my head.

Strait Outta… Oh You Know!

And now for the grand finale! Iran is threatening to shut down the Strait of Hormuz where a fifth of the world's oil goes for a swim. Goldman Sachs – bunch of clowns! – says that could send oil prices soaring past $100 a barrel! But other 'analysts' think it's just hot air. Like those morons could predict the weather let alone a geopolitical clusterfuck. 'They could target tankers they could mine the straits,' Croft said. Whatever Morty just more reasons to invest in alternate realities where energy is free and the squirrels are sentient.

Time to Get Schwifty and Invest in Something Else!

So there you have it Morty! A cosmic joke wrapped in a petroleum soaked tortilla. The moral of the story? Don't trust anyone invest in plumbus futures and always carry a portal gun. You never know when you'll need to escape this godforsaken dimension. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!