Recipro...What now?
Alright Morty listen up. This whole 'reciprocity' thing? It's like trying to explain interdimensional cable to Jerry. The Trump folks are using it like a Blips and Chitz coupon that only works on Tuesdays after a solar eclipse. They slap tariffs on everyone then when other countries offer to play nice they're all like 'Nah we're good. We don't like your face.'
Peter Navarro More Like Peter Navar NOPE!
This Navarro guy he's saying Vietnam's 'non tariff cheating' is the real problem. Morty that's like saying the real problem with your math homework isn't the math but the fact that you're using a pen instead of a spork. It's just...layers of bullcrap Morty you wouldn't understand. Let's just say they're trying to change the whole damn game like rewriting the laws of physics on a whim. Which you know I've done...but with better reasons trust me.
The Market's Doing the Bird Person 'Wubba Lubba Dub Dub'
The stock market's doing its best Bird Person impression 'Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!' Which in case you forgot Morty means 'I am in great pain please help me.' The S&P dipped the Dow Jones had a bigger swing than my portal gun after too much tequila but the Nasdaq... the Nasdaq’s just vibin’ man. Just remember these megacap tech stocks are just as useless as Morty trying to remember what a 'sustained bottom' looks like!
China's Pissed and I Don't Blame 'Em!
Trump wants to slap 50% tariffs on China? That's like giving Jerry a Plumbus and expecting him to understand how it works. China's all like 'We'll fight to the end!' Which translated from Communist to English means 'We're gonna make this economic pain train hurt you son of a B****!' And even if China did offer some schwifty deals the Trump administration would probably just ignore 'em. Because reasons. And probably because they're drunk. Not as drunk as me though. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!
CEOs Are Sweating More Than Morty on Prom Night
Even the bigwigs are starting to get worried. BlackRock's CEO thinks we're already in a recession! JPMorgan Chase's CEO is whining about inflation. And Home Depot's co founder? He's calling the tariff on Vietnam 'bulls***!' See Morty even the rich guys know this is a clusterf*** of interdimensional proportions. Now what's that I smell Morty? Is that fear?
Defense Stocks Are Doing the Pickle Rick
While everyone else is selling off defense stocks are going full Pickle Rick! Countries are losing trust in the U.S. and throwing money at their own militaries. Germany's splurging on defense. Even the UK's getting in on the action! It's like the whole world's preparing for a giant interdimensional war...which knowing my luck is probably happening next Tuesday. Now where's my portal gun? I have some universes to exploit.
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laharl83
Is this the darkest timeline?
smithsc5
So, should I sell all my stocks or what?
xiaoJ7
This is even more confusing than interdimensional cable!
hatenhouston
This makes zero sense! Sounds about right.
delphi
I think Rick might be drunk... again.
theanine
I'm waiting for the S&P 500 to hit a 'sustained bottom' so I can buy more.
ladyhot
I'm converting all my assets to Szechuan sauce.
sholcman
Someone get Morty a juice box and a participation trophy.
eshoes
I miss the old Rick. The one that wasn't talking about tariffs.