Trump Mulls Jeanine Pirro for DC Attorney: Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub, That's Some Serious Cronyism!

Another Day Another Dimension of Bullshit

Alright Morty listen up. Apparently President Trump or as I like to call him 'Tiny Rick' in training is thinking about making Jeanine Pirro the Fox News screamer the interim U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia. Yeah you heard me right. It's like we're trapped in a Cronenberg universe where everyone’s IQ is inversely proportional to their proximity to a microphone. What's next? Is he gonna nominate Mr. Poopybutthole for Secretary of State? Ooo wee!

Ed Martin: Gone But Not Forgotten (Thank God)

So first this Ed Martin guy who was apparently a big fan of the January 6th 'patriots,' got the boot. Seems even some Republicans have a limit to how much crazy they can stomach. Trump says he was disappointed? Well boo hoo Tiny Rick. Maybe next time don't pick someone who thinks storming the Capitol is just a mild Tuesday afternoon. It’s like trying to use a Plumbus on a quantum carburetor Morty. Just doesn't work.

Jeanine Pirro: Because Why Not?

And now enter Jeanine Pirro! Former DA current Fox News personality and staunch Trump supporter. Oh and did I mention Trump pardoned her ex husband for tax evasion? Yeah this is totally on the level Morty. No cronyism here. Just a pure unadulterated meritocracy in action. I'm sure she's got the legal expertise to handle complex cases right after she finishes yelling about the Deep State on TV. It's like watching interdimensional cable Morty you never know what garbage they will be showing.

Trump Speaks: A Symphony of Gibberish

Trump said Martin is a 'terrific person' but 'wasn't getting the support.' Newsflash Tiny Rick! Supporting insurrectionists isn’t exactly a winning strategy. And then he promises 'somebody else that will be announcing over the next two days who's gonna be great.' Yeah great at what? Spouting conspiracy theories and defending the indefensible? I need a drink. And a portal gun.

The Swamp Is Draining...Into a Bigger Swamp

So let's recap. Trump tries to nominate a Jan. 6 apologist fails and then considers a Fox News host with a conveniently pardoned ex husband. The swamp is being drained alright Morty. Drained and then refilled with toxic waste from another dimension. It’s like we’re living in a Jerry created reality. Painful pointless and profoundly embarrassing.

Time to Get Schwifty!

Look Morty I don't know what the future holds. Maybe Pirro gets the job maybe she doesn't. But one thing's for sure: this whole situation is a steaming pile of interdimensional garbage. It's time to get schwifty Morty. Time to transcend this bureaucratic nightmare and find a dimension where politicians aren't complete morons. Or at least where they're entertaining morons. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!