Microsoft Teams Gets the Boot? Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub, It's a Divorce!

Bureaucracy My Old Friend

Alright alright settle down you bunch of Jerry's. So Microsoft right? That behemoth the digital equivalent of a belching glorgon is having a little *ahem* 'discussion' with the EU. Seems they're getting their Schwifty pants in a twist over Teams being bundled with Office 365. Like 'Oh no it's a monopoly! They're tying our hands!' As if anyone actually *uses* all those features. Ninety percent of you are just checking your MySpace equivalents anyway. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!

Divorce is Expensive Morty

Apparently the European Commission—those pencil pushing regulation loving…entities—are worried that Microsoft's playing favorites with Teams. So Microsoft ever the pragmatist (or maybe just terrified of fines that could buy me like a million portal guns) is offering to sell Office 365 *without* Teams. And get this Morty at a *discounted* price. Like they're doing us a favor. It's like offering a Plumbus without the Fleeb – sure you *can* have it but what's the point?

Interoperability? More Like Inter Bore Ability

They're also promising to let Teams' rivals play nice with other Microsoft products. Interoperability they call it. Sounds boring doesn't it? Honestly who cares if your Glip Glop app works with Outlook? Just get back to whatever it is you do on those stupid phones. The point is they are letting customers move their data out of Teams to competing products which is like basically changing realities just for the heck of it I guess...

Breaking News: Still Boring

This is a developing story which means nothing interesting is going to happen for at least another week. Buckle up for more regulatory jargon and corporate doublespeak. I'd rather watch Ants in my Eyes Johnson sell furniture. At least there's some novelty there. Come on Morty let's go get some Szechuan sauce and forget this whole thing ever happened.

The Fine Print? More Like The Fined Print!

So they're making nice nice with the EU offering versions of Office without Teams. Big whoop. They're bending over backward to avoid a regulatory smackdown. I bet there are more loopholes than you can shake a Meeseeks box at. Still you gotta admire the dance corporations and regulations it's like watching a slow motion train wreck. Can't look away can you?

In Conclusion: Get Schwifty or Get Out

Bottom line Morty? Nobody wins. Except maybe the lawyers. And even they're probably bored. This whole thing is just a monument to the absurdity of existence. So you know business as usual. Now if you'll excuse me I need to recalibrate my portal gun. I hear there's a dimension where Szechuan sauce is the currency. Get Schwifty!