Trump Says Economy is Like a Giant Chicken Fight: Good Parts are His, Bad Parts are Biden's Fault!

Freakin' Sweet Economy… Or is it?

Alright so the news is saying that President Trump and believe me I know a thing or two about being in charge remember when I was the head of Petoria? well he did an interview. Apparently he's been saying that the good parts of the economy are all him. You know like when you finally find that twenty dollar bill in your old pants? That's Trump. But the bad stuff? Nah that's all Biden's fault. Like when you realize that twenty dollar bill is Monopoly money. Giggity.

Tariffs: Making America Richer Than Lois's Family?

Trump's also been yapping about tariffs. Now I don't know much about tariffs but it sounds like something you'd use to fix a roof which let me tell you my roof needs some serious help. Anyways he's saying these tariffs are gonna make us rich! Richer than Lois's family? That's saying something! He takes responsibility for 'everything'... except of course for the bad stuff. It's like when I 'take responsibility' for eating all the chicken wings but then blame Brian for not stopping me.

Blame Game Strong: Biden's the Scapegoat?

And get this he's blaming Biden for the economy shrinking earlier this year. Shrinking! Like my chances of ever getting into those jeans I wore in college! It's always someone else's fault isn't it? Just like how it's always Meg's fault when I spill my beer. Shut up Meg!

Doll Gate: How Many Dolls Does a Kid REALLY Need?

This is where it gets weird. He started talking about dolls! Apparently he doesn't think kids need 30 dolls. Three is enough he says. And pencils? Five is plenty! I mean I barely use one pencil a year and that's mostly for drawing mustaches on pictures of Mort Goldman. Maybe he's onto something...or maybe he's just lost it. Hardy har har!

Recession? Psh Transition Period Baby!

So what about a recession? Trump's not sweating it. He says it's just a 'transition period'. A transition period to what? I don't know maybe a world where we all have jetpacks and can fly around like the Jetsons. I'm pretty sure the economy is going to do "fantastically" just like when I tried to make a porno starring Quagmire. He told Welker (I don't know who that is sounds like an alien from Mork and Mindy) that “everything’s OK”. OK! Like that time I tried to be a professional wrestler. That also went totally OK!

In Conclusion: Eh Who Knows?

So there you have it. Trump says everything's gonna be great tariffs are gonna make us rich and kids don't need a million dolls. Whether it's all true or not well who the heck knows? Just like whether I'll ever find my car keys after a night at The Drunken Clam. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go yell at the TV and eat a whole bucket of chicken. Giggity giggity goo!