Giggity Giggity... Tesla's in Trouble!
Alright folks Peter Griffin here your favorite news analyst... mostly because I'm the only one who'll tell it to ya straight. So Tesla right? Elon's little car company? Well they just dropped their earnings report and let me tell ya it's uglier than Lois after she tries to bake a cake. We're talkin' a 20% plunge in automotive revenue! Twenty percent! That's like half of my beer money gone! This is worse than the time I tried to build a car out of beer cans... didn't end well let me tell ya.
Model Y? More Like Model Why Bother?!
Apparently the reason for this financial disaster is that they're updating their Model Y. Updating! Who needs updates? My car's been runnin' fine since 1989! Sure it smells like old gym socks and once tried to run over Quagmire but it gets me from A to B... mostly. They're also blaming lower prices and sales incentives. So basically they're sellin' cars for cheaper to try and trick people into buyin' em? That's lower than Adam West's approval rating!
Elon's Hangin' with Trump? What the Deuce?!
And get this Elon's been spendin' all his time at the White House with President Trump. What the deuce is that about? Is he tryin' to get a tax break the size of Rhode Island? And these tariffs are killin' 'em makin' parts more expensive. I mean come on! You know what's also expensive? Explaining to Lois why I spent our mortgage money on a lifetime supply of Butterfinger candy bars... again.
Stock Tanking Faster Than Chris's IQ!
The stock's down 41% this year! That's worse than the time I tried to short sell Quagmire's dating advice! Uncertainty's up trade policies are screwy and demand is lower than my chances of winning a Nobel Prize. It's a perfect storm of bad news folks. And I'm just sittin' here wondering if I should sell my Beanie Baby collection to buy some Dogecoin. What do you think Stewie?
Robotaxis and Humanoid Robots? Sounds Like a Terrible Sci Fi Movie!
They're promising driverless robotaxis in Austin. Driverless! Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. And they're building humanoid robots! Are they trying to replace me with a metal version of myself? Because let me tell you no robot can pull off my signature laugh. Heh heh heh heh... HEY! That's my laugh!
Peter's Financial Advice: Buy More Beer!
So what's the takeaway here? Tesla's in trouble Elon's hangin' with the wrong crowd and the future is lookin' grim. My advice? Don't invest in cars invest in beer. It's always a solid investment. Just ask Barney Gumble. Now if you'll excuse me I hear the Drunken Clam callin' my name! Giggity!
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priv4te
Maybe Elon should just stick to rockets.
jaffa
This is worse than the time I choked on a chicken wing!
ilovecookies
Giggity! That's some serious financial trouble.
caridia
Sounds like someone needs a vacation to Spooner Street.
ladywealth
Don't worry, Peter. You can always sell your 'Surfin' Bird' record again.
lablady412
Has anyone seen my monocle?
Hannah828
I blame Canada!
jtflower8
I think I'll stick to my horse-drawn carriage.