Holy Crap Lois, War's Expensive: Middle East Shipping Costs are Going Through the Roof!

Giggity Giggity Insurance is Getting Pricey!

Alright so get this Lois. Turns out all the pew pew going on in the Middle East is making insurance companies sweat more than I do at a salad bar. They're charging an arm and a leg – and maybe even a third leg giggity – to insure ships going near the place. Apparently some companies are straight up refusing to cover any ship that even LOOKS at America Israel or the UK. It's like when I try to get life insurance after one of my 'adventures' – they just laugh in my face! Remember when I tried to fake my own death to avoid paying for that giant clam? Good times!

Cha Ching! The Cost of War…and Everything Else!

So these insurance rates? They're going up faster than Chris eating a whole pizza. A few weeks ago it was like 0.125% of the ship's value which for a ship is still a lot of clams! Now? We're talking 0.25% to 0.45%! After those US strikes on Iran BAM! Even higher! It's like they're trying to pay for a whole new Death Star or something. And get this for ships linked to the US it's even WORSE. I tell ya this is worse than the time I tried to pay for a date with Monopoly money.

Tick Tock Goes the Insurance Clock

And here's the kicker. Usually you gotta give these insurance guys 48 hours' notice before setting sail. Now? It's down to 24! Less time to figure out if you're about to sail into a war zone. It's like they're saying 'Eh close enough! Go get 'em tiger!' But hey they can still get insurance! Which is kinda the point. So that's good right? Right?!

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto (…Buying Iranian Oil)

Apparently everyone's worried about Iran blocking ships and what China is going to do. China buys a lot of Iranian oil and if they stopped well things might calm down faster than when Brian gets a girlfriend. President Trump said they can keep buying it though! He's like 'meh' or something! Still everyone is on edge and are watching each other! This is like me and Quagmire at a nudist colony!

Hold on There Maybe Things Will Chill Out!

Some smarty pants insurance guy named Osler (sounds like a fancy butler!) thinks if this ceasefire thingy holds the rates might go down. But then he also says Trump is angry! Trump angry equals higher rates! You remember what I said about Trump being in charge? Exactly! It's a rollercoaster of emotions people! A rollercoaster that's gonna cost you a LOT of clams!

Wait and See or Maybe Just Stay Home!

So everyone's in 'wait and see' mode. Kinda like when I wait to see if Lois will notice I ate all the cookies. Also turns out less people are booking trips over there! Who would of thought?! I tell ya all this political stuff is making my head spin. I'm going to go drink a Pawtucket Patriot Ale and stare at the TV maybe something will blow up or maybe nothing will... ah life!