Holy Crap Lois, Trump's Tariff Relief is Like Finding a Quarter in the Couch Cushions! Ford CEO Wants More!

Giggity Giggity Tariffs!

Alright so check it out folks! Apparently President Trump – you know the guy with the hair that looks like a golden retriever after a bath – gave us a little break on those pesky tariffs for automotive parts. Ford's CEO Jim Farley (no relation to Chris sadly) is saying it's like finding a twenty in your old pants pocket. Helpful but let's not start building any solid gold toilets just yet! We still need more baby! More I tell ya! It’s like when I only get one chicken wing instead of the whole bucket! This is worse than the time I tried to build a car out of mayonnaise!

Stacking Tariffs – Sounds Like a Terrible Jenga Game!

Apparently these tariffs were all 'stacking' on each other like when Brian tries to explain quantum physics to me. My brain just explodes! Ford says that Trump signed something that reimburses automakers for some U.S. parts and reduces this 'stacking'. All I know is I need my car to get to The Drunken Clam and these tariffs are making it harder than Lois trying to understand my jokes. Remember that time I tried to drive to Canada to get cheaper beer? Good times good times.

Exports Schmexports! We Need Jobs Baby!

Farley – who I'm pretty sure is not related to Tom from Tommy Boy – is saying it's 'essential' to encourage exports and reward companies like Ford for producing in America. He's like 'Shouldn't we get credit for sending our cars all over the globe?' Well duh! It’s like when I win a hot dog eating contest. I deserve a trophy and a nap! But seriously he wants more affordable parts and supply chains to help the U.S. grow. Sounds good to me as long as it doesn't involve me having to do actual work.

Ford: The All American Hero (Kinda)

Ford is bragging that they export more than they import which is like saying I eat more than I exercise. Technically true but not exactly a cause for celebration. Apparently if other companies were as 'American' as Ford (and I use that term loosely since they still get parts from Mexico Canada and China) we'd have tons of new factories and jobs. More jobs means more money and more money means more beer! It’s a win win situation like when I convinced Quagmire that wearing a diaper was a good idea. Giggity!

25%? That's Like a 25% Chance I'll Actually Understand This Stuff!

So there are still tariffs of 25% on imported vehicles but these new measures are supposed to make things a little less painful. The upcoming 25% tariff on auto parts is still happening but if your car gets built in the U.S. you might get some money back. It's like getting a coupon for 10% off after you've already bought the damn thing! Thanks a lot Washington! I still remember the time I tried to run for mayor. Those were the days.

Alright I'm Outta Here! Time for a Beer!

Look all this tariff talk is making my head spin faster than when I try to do laundry. All I know is I want a good car I want it cheap and I want it now! And maybe a side of those delicious chicken wings from The Drunken Clam. So let's hope these politicians figure this whole thing out before I have to start riding a horse to work. Giggity! It's Miller Time!