Giggity! Oracle Stock Ready to Make You Richer Than Carter Pewterschmidt!

Holy Crap! Oracle's a Winner!

Alright alright settle down you bunch of dinguses! Peter Griffin here your financial guru – well maybe not *guru* more like a guy who once accidentally made a fortune on Beanie Babies. Anyway Oracle! These guys are hotter than Lois in that French maid outfit. Apparently some smart lady named Victoria Greene – not to be confused with that green stuff Lois makes me eat – says Oracle's stock is gonna go BOOM! Like when I tried to build a rocket in the backyard. Up 13% already? Giggity! She thinks it'll hit $300! That's enough to buy like a lifetime supply of Pawtucket Patriot Ale! You gotta jump on this train baby! Just uh maybe don't jump *literally* onto a train like that time I tried to hitch a ride to Atlantic City... bad times.

Stargate? More Like Star Making!

So apparently Oracle's got this thing called 'Stargate' – not the movie with Kurt Russell sadly. But it's something to do with AI which is all the rage these days. I still don't understand it. Is it like that time I tried to build a robot butler? It mostly just set the house on fire. But this AI stuff is supposed to make Oracle even richer! Like Carter Pewterschmidt rich! Which means more money for us little guys! Just imagine all the chicken fights we can afford!

IBM: Not Just Your Grandpa's Typewriter Company!

Okay so IBM. I always thought they just made those old typewriters my grandpa used to yell at. But apparently they're all fancy now buying up companies left and right! Like that time I tried to buy the Drunken Clam! Didn't work out so well. But this Victoria Greene lady – who clearly knows her stuff unlike me – loves IBM! She says they're saving billions with AI! That's enough to buy a LOT of Quahog clam chowder!

Quantum What Now?

They're building a 'quantum computer'? Sounds like something Stewie would invent to take over the world! But apparently it's good for business. Strategic partners AI cost savings… It's all jargon to me! All I know is the stock is up and Victoria says it's gonna go higher. Time to mortgage the house! (Just kidding Lois! ...Mostly.)

Datadog? More Like Data Dud!

Okay so now we get to the bummer. Datadog. Sounds like something Brian coughed up. Victoria Greene isn't so hot on this one. Apparently their margins are tighter than Lois's jeans after Thanksgiving dinner and they're not selling enough of their stuff. I don't know what any of that means but it sounds bad. She wants to see the stock go higher before she buys in. So for now we're staying away from Datadog. Like I stay away from Meg's boyfriend.

In Conclusion: Buy Oracle and IBM Avoid Datadog And Keep Peter Employed!

So there you have it folks! Oracle and IBM are the winners Datadog is the loser and I'm just here trying to make enough money to keep Lois from leaving me. Remember this is just my opinion and I'm about as qualified to give financial advice as Cleveland is to give relationship advice. But hey maybe this time I'm right! Giggity!