Excellent... A CEO Search?
Bah! A Wall Street Journal report claims Tesla's board those ninnies were sniffing around for a new CEO. Apparently young Elon's eccentricities are finally grating on them. Reaching out to executive search firms you say? Preposterous! Who needs a new CEO when you have me Montgomery Burns? I could run that little electric buggy company in my sleep. A little Union Busting here a little wage suppression there... Profitability would be no problem for me!
Release the Tweets!
That pesky Tesla Chairwoman Robyn Denholm took to that infernal Twitter machine to denounce the report. 'Absolutely false!' she screeched. 'The Board is highly confident in his ability to continue executing on the exciting growth plan ahead.' 'Excellent...' the Growth Plan sounds exciting. I should acquire Tesla and make Smithers the CEO; a puppet leader with no real power just as I like.
First Quarter Fumbles
Ah but behind the bravado lies a grim truth. Tesla's sales and profits are in the doldrums. Revenue slipped 9% and net income plunged a ghastly 71%. My power plant has higher profit margins than that! It is time to send in the hounds! (Release the Mechanical Hounds!)
Musk's Government Shenanigans
And what's this? Musk is dividing his time between Tesla and some 'Department of Government Efficiency.' Preposterous! Running a car company and meddling in politics? The man is spread thinner than Smithers' hair after a vigorous scalp massage. I once tried to run for governor of this state didn't end well... (Except for the brief moment I had complete control.)
A Model Y of Problems
They blame the revenue decline on updating their factories for the Model Y. As if! Smithers remind me to never invest in companies that need to 'update' things. Obsolescence is for the weak! A true tycoon finds ways to squeeze every last penny out of what they already have. Just ask my employees... they're still using equipment from the McKinley administration.
What Would Burns Do?
So what's the solution? Should Tesla replace Musk? Perhaps. But let's be honest who else has the sheer audacity to overpromise and underdeliver on such a grand scale? Maybe I will invest but only if I get to rename the cars. The 'Burns mobile'... it has a certain ring to it doesn't it Smithers? (Smithers: 'Yes sir. It does sir.')
Tesla Elon Musk CEO Robyn Denholm Electric Vehicles Stock Market Wall Street Journal Corporate Governance Mr. Burns Simpsons
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tennissandgirl
Those revenue numbers are ghastly! Time to unleash the hounds on the accounting department.
hbn13
Perhaps Musk should focus on running his company instead of playing politician.
dormouse
Excellent! More chaos means more opportunities for those with the vision to seize them.
skoobydo
Bah! Another day, another corporate drama. Wake me when someone actually invents a car that runs on pure greed.
optimist
Smithers, write that down! 'Burns-mobile' has potential!
Shellytou
I'm telling you, automation is the future. Replace all the drivers with robots and watch the profits soar!