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Showing 1 to 10 of 134 news articles

X (formerly Twitter, bah!) gets a slap on the wrist from India, but Burns thinks he's next! image

Bah! India Thinks It Can Censor Burns!

Tue 08 July, 2025 18:18
2 minutes to read

World leaders express dismay and hope as Trump's tariff threats loom, creating potential for Burns Global Ventures to capitalize on the chaos. image

Excellent! Trump's Tariffs Shock Global Leaders – A Fine Opportunity for Burns Global Ventures!

Tue 08 July, 2025 05:40
2 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns reports on how family offices are increasingly investing in biotech, with a particular interest in pharmaceuticals that address drug shortages and healthcare innovations. Excellent! image

Excellent! Burns Sees Family Offices Pouncing on Biotech Bonanza

Mon 07 July, 2025 14:00
2 minutes to read

Mark Green's departure shrinks the GOP's already pathetic House majority, leaving Speaker Johnson in a pickle. Smithers, fetch me my smelling salts! image

Excellent! Republican Exodus: A Burns' Eye View of Congress Crumbling

Sat 05 July, 2025 22:08
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns dissects conflicting jobs reports, highlighting government influence and potential market schisms, all while plotting his next power plant scheme. image

Excellent! Labor Market Shenanigans Afoot, Says Montgomery Burns!

Fri 04 July, 2025 01:15
2 minutes to read

C. Montgomery Burns analyzes BTIG's top stock picks for the next year, finding opportunities for profit amidst economic uncertainty. Smithers, prepare the limousine! image

Excellent! Mr. Burns Reveals Stocks Set to Flourish Despite Trump's Tariff Terrors!

Thu 03 July, 2025 10:39
2 minutes to read

Burns analyzes Constellation Brands' disappointing quarterly earnings, blaming tariffs, socioeconomic factors, and the general unworthiness of today's consumer. Profit, or be gone! image

Excellent! Constellation Brands' Beer Sales Tank Thanks To Trump! (And Maybe You)

Wed 02 July, 2025 15:34
2 minutes to read

Montgomery Burns dissects Cramer's M-N-M stocks: Microsoft, Nvidia, and Meta's surprising resilience in a turbulent market. image

Excellent! Microsoft, Nvidia, and Meta Escape the First Half With All-Time Highs!

Tue 01 July, 2025 23:04
2 minutes to read

Mr. Burns analyzes Okta's recent stock dip and proposes a low-risk trade setup, proving that even an aging billionaire can still sniff out a profit. image

Excellent! Smithers, Buy Okta! A Burns-Eye View of a Low-Risk Trade

Tue 01 July, 2025 14:17
3 minutes to read

Mr. Burns reports on Joby Aviation's air taxi service launch in the UAE, musing on its potential to revolutionize transportation and, more importantly, his personal commute. image

Excellent! Smithers, Prepare My Flying Chair! Joby Aviation Takes Flight in Dubai!

Mon 30 June, 2025 20:01
2 minutes to read