Smithers More Profits!
Bah! Another quarter another deluge of profits for those blithering idiots at HSBC. Their first quarter results have exceeded expectations primarily due to their wealth business and corporate shenanigans. It appears even they can stumble upon success occasionally...much to my chagrin. I should have bought stock! Release the hounds!
A Buyback? Excellent!
And what's this? A share buyback of up to $3 billion? Excellent! They intend to complete it before their 2025 interim results. These monetary gains should be MINE! It's like taking candy from a baby a very large profitable baby. Smithers remind me to acquire a controlling interest. Gently...of course!
The Dreaded Details!
The numbers the numbers! Profit before tax: $9.48 billion versus $7.83 billion expected. Revenue: $17.65 billion versus $16.67 billion. Disgustingly robust! Though I noticed the pre tax profit declined 25% compared to last year. Pathetic! Also revenue fell 15% from last year but soared 317% from the previous quarter. One step forward two steps back just like the employees at the Nuclear Power Plant.
Foolish Optimism...Or Is It?
According to that nincompoop HSBC Group CEO Georges Elhedery their results demonstrate 'momentum' and 'discipline'. Bah! Probably just got lucky. However they did acknowledge 'heightened macroeconomic uncertainty'. Perhaps there's hope for a market collapse yet! Smithers prepare the short positions!
Trump's Folly!
That buffoon Donald Trump and his tariffs! Apparently they're causing some consternation. Protectionist trade policies adversely affecting consumer and business sentiment? Good! Let them suffer! Though I must admit any disruption to the global economy ultimately affects my bottom line. Curse you Trump! Release the robotic Richard Nixon!
Ring Fencing? Utter Nonsense!
Ring fencing? Isolating a bank's consumer banking from riskier investments? Utter nonsense! It's like trying to contain the hounds with a flimsy fence. Pointless! And this restructuring plan to split operations into 'Eastern markets' and 'Western markets'? Sounds like something Smithers would dream up after a bad batch of sherry. Still $300 million in cost reductions this year is nothing to scoff at...though I shall scoff regardless. More for me! Muah ha ha!
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tuanq82
I'm still concerned about the long-term economic outlook.
coslhanu
This buyback is a good sign of confidence.
looney
Glad to see they're acknowledging the uncertainty.
fathin
Is this sustainable, though?
luvsqg
The tariff situation is definitely a wild card.
dthurel
HSBC's restructuring seems to be paying off.