Excellent! Escalating Oil Prices Spark Joy in My Plutocratic Heart!

A Deliciously Sinister Situation

Smithers fetch my monocle! It appears those delightful rascals in Israel and Iran are having a bit of a tiff. Prime Minister Netanyahu bless his heart has ordered an intensification of attacks. And what does that mean for C. Montgomery Burns? A beautiful beautiful spike in oil prices! Brent crude is up American crude is up! Excellent! It's like watching puppies drown only with more money involved.

Undermining the Ayatollah? Sounds Profitable!

This Defense Minister Katz fellow is talking about undermining the ayatollah's regime. Good good! More chaos means more opportunities for profit. As I always say 'Capitalism is the only way to go because when you fail somebody else will profit from your misfortune.' And in this case that somebody is me!

Trump's Two Week Deadline: A Masterstroke of Inaction!

Oh Trump! That man's indecisiveness is a gift from the gods! 'I may do it I may not do it...' he muses about striking Iran. Two weeks he says! Two weeks of uncertainty driving those oil prices higher and higher! It's almost as good as when I blocked out the sun... almost.

JPMorgan's Prediction: Music to My Ears!

Even those pointy headed intellectuals at JPMorgan are predicting higher oil prices! Natasha Kaneva a name I'll have to remember suggests that regime change in Iran could lead to sustained price increases. Excellent! As I've always said 'If you can dream it you can achieve it,' and I've been dreaming of fat oil profits for decades!

Supply Losses? A Delightful Inconvenience!

Supply losses they say are challenging to recover quickly. Perfect! Scarcity breeds demand and demand breeds profits! This is all going according to plan. Or rather a plan I wish I'd had the foresight to concoct myself. Still I'll take the windfall!

Error? Who Cares! Just More Money!

They claim there was a correction in the report something about the closing price. Bah! Details details! The important thing is that oil prices are up and C. Montgomery Burns is getting richer! Smithers prepare the celebratory brandy! And tell those Simpsons to stay off my property!