Excellent! Burns Thwarts Chinese Trade Shenanigans (For Now)

A Pause? Preposterous!

Bah! So this 'Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent,' a name I shall endeavor to forget prattles on about meeting with those inscrutable Chinese fellows. A 'pause' on tariffs he says? As if a mere 90 days can soothe the sting of economic dominance I Montgomery Burns rightfully deserve! It reminds me of the time Smithers briefly joined a monastery. A temporary lapse in the natural order!

Switzerland: A Den of Neutrality (and Chocolate)

They met in Switzerland did they? A land of cuckoo clocks and numbered accounts. Probably sipping hot cocoa while I'm here tirelessly plotting the takeover of Shelbyville. Jamieson Greer another name to add to my list of 'people who aren't me' was apparently involved. Honestly the inefficiency is astounding. I could have resolved this trade dispute with a stern look and a well placed bribe.

Tariffs: My Favorite Tax (After the Ones I Avoid)

Lowered tariffs you say? A measly 115 percentage points? Are these people mad? It's like trying to power my power plant with dandelion wishes! Still a 10% baseline is a start. Remember my motto: "a few percentage points today global domination tomorrow!" Excellent.

The Fentanyl Fiasco: A Sidebar of Doom

Ah the fentanyl! A scourge upon our society! Apparently this Bessent fellow believes the Chinese are now 'serious' about stopping the flow of this… stuff. I'll believe it when I see it. Though perhaps I could find a use for it… to… uh… convince my employees to work harder. A 'very long and in depth sidebar,' eh? Sounds dreadfully boring. I prefer my sidebars with a splash of sherry and a gentle back rub from Smithers.

Stock Markets Rally: A Fleeting Moment of Joy

The stock markets rallied did they? A temporary blip on the radar fueled by the fleeting optimism of the masses. It's like that time I won the Springfield Demolition Derby. A brief moment of glory before the inevitable descent into oblivion. Still perhaps I should… liquidate some assets. And by assets I mean Smithers' stamp collection.

What's Next? More Meetings More Mayhem

So more meetings are planned. More posturing more platitudes and more opportunities for me to exploit the situation for my own nefarious gains. The fate of Springfield nay the world rests on my withered shoulders! I shall be watching closely ready to pounce at the slightest sign of weakness. Release the hounds… on the stockbrokers!