Excellent! An Opportunity for Corporate Synergy!
Bah! Those lily livered politicians in Washington are at it again meddling in affairs that are best left to us titans of industry. Apparently this so called 'Congressional committee' is huffing and puffing about China Mobile China Telecom and China Unicom. Seems they suspect these chaps are in cahoots with the Chinese military pilfering our precious American data. Nonsense I say! Opportunity! I bet I could buy all three companies for 63 cents! It's probably nothing serious. Just a minor...negligence.
Cyberattacks?! Who's Responsible?
They bleat about cyberattacks and a thing called 'Volt Typhoon' – sounds like one of Smithers' concoctions gone awry! Apparently this Typhoon has been giving China access to all sorts of critical infrastructure: telecommunications energy water... the works! Utter poppycock! If they have the power they should use it I say! Oh wait I guess this is bad if it's directed at me. Perhaps I should start hoarding water again.
False Pretexts? Utter Balderdash!
The Chinese embassy is crying foul claiming the U.S. is using 'false pretexts' to suppress their companies. As if! This is about good old fashioned American ingenuity and corporate espionage! I should know! I practically invented both! After all I didn't become the richest man in Springfield by playing by the rules. And they're trying to bring me down! I won't have it!
FCC Interference! A Mild Inconvenience!
Apparently the Federal Communications Commission those busybodies have already denied China Mobile's application and revoked the authorizations of China Telecom and China Unicom. But these companies are still lurking about providing cloud services and routing internet traffic. This is unacceptable. They should be groveling at my feet begging to be acquired by the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. After all they could do with a little...streamlining as Smithers would say.
Subpoenas? A Waste of Paper!
Now these Congressmen are threatening subpoenas! Good heavens! How will I ever get any rest? As if a piece of paper could scare me! They demand cooperation by May 7th. May 7th! As if I don't have more pressing matters like counting my money and firing employees for the sheer sport of it. This stinks like those pointy toothed morons!
Contempt of Congress? Pshaw!
And the cherry on top? They threaten to find these companies in 'contempt' if they don't respond! 'Contempt!' I've been in contempt of everything my entire life! Taxes! Environmental regulations! Human decency! What's one more thing on the list? This is all just a bunch of humbug if you ask me. Now where's Smithers? I need a brandy and a good employee to fire... maybe two.
China Mobile China Telecom China Unicom US Congress Cybersecurity Data Theft Subpoena Chinese Military Volt Typhoon FCC
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ibcrafty
Excellent!
robot28
Where is that blasted security tape?
robdog
Are you saying boo or boo-urns?
robdog
They're worse than those pointy toothed morons!
zicka
I'll make them eat their hats!
jennyiscute
Smithers, who is that data thief?
xhoopz
Are they on the swivel?
sairam121
The Simpsons did it!