OMG! Is World War III About to Ruin My Contour?!

Wait What's Going On?

Okay so like I'm trying to focus on my Skims empire and perfecting the art of the nude selfie but apparently there's some major drama happening in the Middle East. Something about Iran Israel and the US getting into a *serious* tiff? My assistant just told me that the US did a 'military attack' on Iran for the first time ever! It's giving me major anxiety because hello is this going to affect my next vacation destination? And more importantly what about the lighting for my Instagram stories?!

Nuclear? Is That Like Radioactive?

So I'm hearing words like 'nuclear enrichment facilities' and 'radiation.' Is that even a word? I am not into this vibe at ALL! I heard from my friends that Iran launched its 20th wave of missile and drone strikes against Israeli military targets. Are we talking drones like the ones I use to get aerial shots of my Calabasas mansion? Because those are cute but these sound a little less 'influencer' and a lot more 'Armageddon'. But on the plus side at least they say there has been no radiation. *Phew*.

Trump's Take: 'Spectacular' or Just...Extra?

Okay so apparently Trump is saying the US attacks were a 'spectacular military success' and 'completely obliterated' Iran's key enrichment facilities. Like is that even a thing you can say? Does he even know what obliterate means?! I'm not sure who to believe but I'm hoping someone is checking the facts before we all end up in bunkers with bad hair. This whole situation is *not* on brand.

Netanyahu's 'Bold Decision' Fashionable or Foolish?

And then Netanyahu is all 'Trump's bold decision will change history.' Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it as groundbreaking as when I invented contouring? Because let me tell you *that* was a game changer. Speaking of game changers I feel like I need a new Skims drop to distract everyone from this whole mess. Maybe a line of 'apocalypse chic' loungewear? It would be so fetch!

World Leaders React: So Dramatic!

Saudi Arabia Iraq Oman Qatar and Lebanon all had some things to say about the incursion. Even the United Nations Secretary General Antonio Guterres said he was 'gravely concerned'. I just have to say these world leaders are so dramatic! Just launch constructive and serious negotiations! You know that's like what I did with Taylor Swift (sort of). We’ll figure it out just like I have always done.

Keep Calm and Contour On?

Look I'm no geopolitical expert (shocking I know!) but I think everyone just needs to chill. Let's all take a deep breath apply some KKW Beauty highlighter and remember what's *really* important: slaying the selfie game. And maybe just maybe avoid any travel plans to the Middle East for a hot minute. Unless of course they have amazing shopping. Priorities people!