OMG! Stocks Are a Hot Mess: Kim K's Guide to Surviving the Market Chaos

Elon's Political Party: Is This Real Life?

Okay so like Elon Musk wants to start a political party called the 'America Party?' Is this a joke? Seriously sometimes I feel like he's just trying to keep up with *my* level of drama. Tesla stock tumbled almost 8% because of this. Honestly I’m shook. Maybe he should stick to rockets and let me handle the influencing. I mean at least I know how to break the internet without crashing a company's stock! 'You guys this is my life!'

Uber High: Living That Luxury Life

Uber hit an all time high honey! $97.12! That’s like almost enough to pay for my contour kit… per share! I'm living for this kind of success. Up almost 60% this year? Get in losers we’re going to the moon! But seriously stay grounded; you can’t live on Uber rides alone but its definitely a good option when traveling. Just sayin’!

Gold Diggers & Rare Earth Blues

Royal Gold dropped over some deal with Sandstorm and Horizon Copper. Sounds complicated and anything involving ‘gold’ makes me think of Kanye’s… *interesting* design choices. And MP Materials? Down because of China and rare earth magnets. Like can someone explain this to me in emoji? I need a cute little magnet and maybe a panda bear. Its a little confusing so I'm keeping it simple.

Stellantis & Poor Positioning: Not a Good Look

Stellantis the company behind Chrysler and Jeep is struggling in Europe with their EV game? That’s not ideal. It’s like showing up to the Met Gala in last season’s Balenciaga. Major fail. They're in a 'year of transition' with their new CEO. Maybe they should call me for a style intervention? Just kidding... unless?

Biotech Bombs & Prison Profits: The Good the Bad and the Ugly

So some biotech company Apogee Therapeutics released trial results that weren’t totally amazing and the stock tanked 15%. Science is hard you guys. On the flip side private prison companies like Geo Group and CoreCivic are up because of Trump’s spending bill. Okay that’s just… dystopian. Can we just focus on finding a cure for aging instead? Priorities people!

Solar Flares & Shell Shock: Energy Sector Realness

SolarEdge is down even after a brief moment of sunshine thanks to a tax bill removal. It feels like a love story gone sour like when Pete Davidson covered up his tattoos of me. Then there's Shell saying they expect weaker gas trading will hurt earnings. The energy sector is definitely not a walk in Calabasas right now. I guess that's why I'm into more beauty and skin care... that's always a solid investment.