Tariff Drama? More Like Tariff *Trauma*!
Okay dolls so you know I'm usually all about the glam and the selfies but even I can't ignore what went down on Wall Street. Apparently President Trump (you know the one with the…hair) decided to drop some serious tariff bombs and everyone freaked out. These hedge fund guys – the ones who think shorting stocks is like a super cool game – they went all in betting the market would tank. Major mistake honey. Like wearing last season's Balenciaga.
Short Squeeze? More Like a Short… Panic!
So here's the tea: these hedge funds borrowed stocks betting they'd go down. But surprise! The market bounced back like my post baby body with a personal trainer and a whole lot of waist trainers. They had to buy back those stocks FAST to avoid losing their like entire fortunes. It was a short squeeze of epic proportions. Think of it as me trying to squeeze into my Met Gala dress at the last minute – stressful!
S&P 500? More Like S&P *Soaring*!
The S&P 500 went wild! It had one of its biggest gains since World War II. Like can you even imagine? It was like when I launched KKW Beauty and the internet almost broke. Everyone was buying buying buying! Even long only funds joined in loading up on tech stocks. Clearly everyone wanted a piece of the pie.
Record Volume? More Like Record *Chaos*!
Thirty billion shares traded hands! Thirty. Billion. It was the busiest day on record according to Nasdaq and FactSet. Jeff Kilburg from KKM Financial was quoted as saying "We live in a world where there's more and more twitchiness to the marketplace there's more and more paranoia." I mean preach! Tell me about paranoia. Try having your every move documented by paparazzi!.
Thin Liquidity? More Like Thin… Ice!
Apparently the market was also super sensitive because there wasn't a lot of liquidity. It's like when you're trying to book a last minute vacation to Turks and Caicos – slim pickings and inflated prices! This made the price swings even more dramatic. *Cue the dramatic music*.
What's Next? More Like… Who Knows?!
Okay so now everyone's wondering what's going to happen next. According to Bank of America "The desk view is that short covering is far from over." So buckle up buttercups! It's gonna be a bumpy ride. And remember invest responsibly. Or you know just buy a really expensive handbag. Those always hold their value… right?
short squeeze hedge funds stock market tariffs S&P 500 Kim Kardashian finance investments trading Wall Street
Comments
From Kim Kardashian
Breaking News
All Rights Reserved © 2023
chrisbradform
Is this why my crypto is going crazy?!
mlandau
Can someone explain this to me like I'm five?
raffy
Kim, you should start your own hedge fund! You'd kill it!
hellokittylover77
I literally have no idea what any of this means, but Kim makes it sound interesting!
kydd37
I feel so educated right now! Thanks, Kim!
tjperez04
OMG! This is wilder than Kylie's pregnancy announcement!