Toss a Coin to Your Stock Picker: Geralt's Guide to Surviving the Economic Wild Hunt

The Witcher's Woes or Why I'm Trading My Silver Sword for Stocks

Right so Lambert told me about this 'stock market' thing. Said it's more dangerous than a Leshen in a Foglet nest. But Vesemir always said 'Geralt a Witcher needs to adapt.' So here I am wading through news articles about something called CNBC and their 'All Weather' list. Apparently it's for when the world goes to rot which let's be honest is most of the time. Seems they launched this thing because they were worried about a 'bull market.' Gods sounds like a monster I fought in Vizima once. Nasty business.

Medallions and Market Rebounds: A Witcher's Perspective

This article jabbers on about the S & P 500 which I assume is some sort of elven ritual. Apparently it rebounded which is bad for this 'All Weather' list. They want turmoil like a tavern brawl after too much ale. Netflix is doing well though. Makes sense. Cheaper than a night at the Passiflora and less chance of getting stabbed. Waste Management is also a winner probably because people keep making a mess just like in Novigrad. And here I was thinking I'd find peace in retirement. Ha!

Dividend Stocks? More Like Dull Dividends

Now they're whining about dividend stocks. Seems these things are less attractive than a drowners armpit. Why bother when you can get a guaranteed return from something called a '10 year Treasury'? Sounds like a boring quest if you ask me. Apparently rates are rising and dividend stocks are losing their charm. Well good riddance. Give me a good hunt any day.

AutoZone: The New Kid in Town (or on Roach)

Enter AutoZone. Upgraded by some bloke at Bank of America. Apparently this thing is so good it's expected to climb 25%. Even with folks being broke and tariffs raising prices they think AutoZone will thrive. Something about people fixing their old carts instead of buying new ones. Smart really. Why buy a new steed when you can patch up Roach with a bit of twine and stubbornness? Though Roach would probably prefer I just bought her more apples.

Tariffs and Tailwinds: The Winds of Fortune (or Just Bad Brakes)

This Bank of America fellow reckons tariffs could actually help AutoZone. If new carts get too expensive people will fix their old ones. Makes sense. It's like choosing between a potion and a whole new set of armor. You go with what keeps you alive even if it's just barely. Besides who needs a fancy new cart when you can soup up your old one with a bit of gwent winnings and some ingenuity? It's the Witcher way.

The 2008 Prophecy: Will AutoZone Save Us All? (Again?)

The analyst mentions AutoZone was up during the economic mess of 2008 2009. Seems like if people lose their jobs they fix their own junk. Who knew? So if the world goes to hell again AutoZone might be our savior. Or you know we could just hire a Witcher. We fix things too just with more swordplay and less paperwork. But seriously zero sell calls? That’s a better endorsement than Vesemir ever gave me. Fine I'll put a few crowns in it. But if this goes south I'm blaming Lambert.