Toss a Coin to Your Auto Shop: Why This Stock is Built Like a Witcher

The All Weather List: Not Just for Gwent Anymore

Alright so I've been asked to weigh in on some… 'investment opportunities'. Seems the humans are in a right state about the economy worrying about coin and markets like they're facing a Griffin at dawn. Apparently there's this 'All Weather' list meant to find stocks that can survive anything – like a Witcher facing a Leshen. They cooked it up back in February. Now some fancy lads at CNBC thought it was a grand idea to have me Geralt of Rivia comment on it. I suppose even Witchers need coin these days eh?

Netflix and Waste: Not As Bad As Roach's Last Ride

This 'All Weather' list seems it ain't doing as well as they hoped because the stock market went green for a bit. Apparently these stocks are meant for when things go south faster than a Drowner in a bathtub. Anyway they got some winners like Netflix – apparently it's the 'affordable entertainment option'. Right because who needs a bath when you can watch moving pictures? And then there's Waste Management. Resilient they say. Just like me after a particularly nasty encounter with a Bruxa. But the 'durable dividend stock exchange traded fund' is doing worse. Apparently rising yields are making dividends about as appealing as a night with a Succubus who's had a bad day. Why bother with dividends when you can get 4.5% from a 10 year Treasury? Seems simple enough even for a Witcher.

AutoZone: More Reliable Than Jaskier's Rhymes?

Now here’s the interesting bit. They’re adding this AutoZone (AZO) to the list. Some bloke at Bank of America upgraded it to 'buy' and raised the target price to $4,800. That's a hefty coin purse if you ask me. They reckon it’s a consistent winner even with consumers tighter than a fistful of orens and tariffs higher than a noonwraith's wail. This analyst Robert Ohmes sees the tariffs as a good thing. Seems less new car sales mean more people fixing up their old jalopies. 'Consumers will be more willing to pay extra to fix their existing vehicles' he says. Probably because a new car costs more than a decent sword these days.

Tariffs: A Blessing in Disguise? Maybe as disguised as Yennefer after a hangover

So these tariffs could mean a $3,285 increase on US assembled vehicles and even more for imported ones. That's a lot of coin to drop even for the wealthiest merchant in Novigrad. Ohmes thinks the auto aftermarket will benefit because people will hold onto and repair their existing vehicles. Makes sense. Why buy a new wagon when you can just patch up the old one? Unless you're Roach then you just teleport behind me for no reason at all.

2008 Flashbacks: When Even Witchers Feel the Pinch

But what really caught the analyst's eye was AutoZone's history. During the 2008 2009 crisis it went up more than 100% versus the S&P 500. "If unemployment rises and new car sales fall these trends will drive people into new behavior," wrote Ohmes. 'Do it yourself' could see a stronger tailwind as consumers realize they can save labor costs if they perform a job on their own.' Translation: People get poor they fix their own stuff. Simple ain't it?

Wall Street Loves It: Even the Gnomes Are Buying

Apparently Wall Street is all over this AutoZone. Twenty three 'buy' ratings and zero 'sell' calls. Makes you wonder if they're all in league with some Doppler who's really good at fixing cars. Anyway seems like a solid bet. Just don't come crying to me if it all goes south. I'm a Witcher not a financial advisor. Now where's that ale?