ULA's Rocket Has a Temper Tantrum: Kuiper Satellites Grounded, Looks Like We're Grounded!

Damn They Should Have Called Me!

Alright ladies and gentlemen Duke Nukem here reporting live from... well not from space apparently. United Launch Alliance (ULA) those eggheads had a bit of a 'situation' with their Atlas V rocket. Seems like the thing threw a hissy fit over some 'elevated purge temperature.' Purge temperature? Sounds like my kind of party but apparently not for rockets. They were supposed to launch more of Amazon's Project Kuiper satellites but now they're grounded. Looks like I'm not the only one whose launch got delayed!

Weather Woes and Rocket Blows

First it was the weather. Now it's this 'purge temperature' thing. What is that even? Sounds like something you order at a spa. Anyway ULA's CEO Tory Bruno (never heard of her) said it's a 'possible issue with a GN2 purge line.' GN2? Is that some new alien tech? Either way they had to 'stand down.' Stand down? I never stand down! Maybe they need some of my hair gel.

Amazon's Space Race Slowdown

So Amazon already blasted 27 of these Kuiper satellites into orbit. This launch was supposed to add another 27 bringing the total to 54. They're trying to give Elon Musk and his Starlink a run for their money. Competition is always good right? But if they can't get their rockets to cooperate they might as well just send carrier pigeons with Wi Fi cards attached.

Kuiper vs. Starlink: It's Time to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum

This whole satellite internet thing is getting crowded. You got Musk Amazon some other players... it's like a damn space opera out there! Amazon's got a deadline from the Feds to launch over 1,600 satellites by July 2026. That's a lot of metal in the sky. They better get their act together or they'll be saying 'I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I'm all out of gum.'

Global Domination Through Internet Satellites?

I hear Amazon Web Services is talking about expanding their infrastructure globally. What's next world domination via satellite internet? Maybe I should invest. Or maybe I should just stick to kicking alien ass. Decisions decisions...

Hail to the King Baby Still No Launch

So there you have it. ULA's rocket had a temper tantrum Amazon's satellites are grounded and I'm still waiting for a good reason to get back into space. In the meantime I'll be here doing what I do best: looking good and saving the world one alien at a time. Hail to the King baby!