Harvard Gets Nuked! Trump Freezes Billions Over Woke Nonsense!

Hail to the King Baby! Trump Takes on Harvard

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Looks like the big man himself Donald Trump has decided Harvard needs a reality check. They're getting a $2.2 billion funding freeze and frankly it's about damn time! Seems like someone finally decided to come get some...of that sweet government cash back from those pointy headed academics. Apparently there's some buzz about antisemitism and those oh so trendy DEI programs running amok over there. I hate those DEI programs! Always getting in the way of a good time!

Harvard's Crybaby Response: "Don't Regulate My Brains!"

Harvard's President some dude named Alan Garber is whining about how the government shouldn't be telling 'em what to teach or who to hire. Newsflash buddy: when you're sucking on the taxpayer teat you dance to Uncle Sam's tune! He's complaining that this is all about 'intellectual conditions.' Well maybe those 'intellectual conditions' need a good kick in the nads! But don't worry I'm sure they'll be fine they've got a 53 billion dollar endowment! That's bigger than my ego!

The GSA and DoE Drop the Hammer!

The feds ain't backing down. They're saying Harvard has an 'entitlement mindset' and needs to uphold civil rights laws. You know what? They're right! This ain't about regulating minds; it's about making sure everyone gets a fair shake. No more excuses! No more hiding behind fancy degrees and woke jargon! The harassment of Jewish students is intolerable! I've got balls of steel and I find that appalling!

Show Me the Money! (Or Don't...)

Harvard's crying that this freeze could hurt medical engineering and scientific innovations. Oh boo hoo. Maybe they should've thought about that before letting the loonies run the asylum. Don't get me wrong I'm all for science – especially when it involves big guns and blowing stuff up. But not at the expense of common sense and basic decency.

Harvard's Legal Team: A Real Mixed Bag

Turns out Harvard's lawyers are a real motley crew. One of 'em Robert Hur even investigated Biden. Talk about awkward! The other guy is an ethics advisor for the Trump Organization. So basically they're fighting fire with...more fire? Sounds like my kind of party! What a bunch of smoke and mirrors! I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and these guys are all out of bubblegum!

Trump's Ultimatum: End the Woke or Else!

Trump's message is crystal clear: ditch the DEI nonsense screen those international students and start respecting American values. I couldn't have said it better myself! Time to Make Higher Education Great Again one woke university at a time! He's already cut funding for Columbia Cornell and Northwestern. Looks like someone's cleaning house! Looks like it's time for them to go down...to the unemployment office!