Looks Like Someone's Been Messing With My Town... I Mean the Market!
Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Duke's here to drop some knowledge bombs on ya. Seems like Wall Street's been hit harder than a stripper at a bachelor party. All this tariff talk from that Trump fella has got investors running for the hills! $8.9 BILLION? That's more than I spend on bubblegum and cigars in a lifetime! "Come get some!" ...of these losses that is.
Europe and Japan? Groovy!
While Uncle Sam's been busy slapping tariffs on everything Europe and Japan are raking in the dough! A cool $3.4 billion flowed into European stocks and Japan snagged a whopping $4.4 billion. Looks like these guys are saying "Your deal is bad and you should feel bad!" to the US market. Smart move.
Crypto? Seriously? What Is This the Future?
Hold on to your titanium testicles because this is where it gets weird. Apparently some of these investment geniuses are throwing their cash at CRYPTO! $2.3 billion to be exact. I guess even the suits are getting in on the digital gold rush. What's next Bitcoin strippers? Eh I wouldn't mind.
High Yield Bonds: Balls of Steel!
They're also chucking some coin at high yield bonds. $3.9 billion. These investors clearly like to gamble! "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and invest in high risk debt. And I'm all outta bubblegum." These guys are risking it for the biscuit!
Deflation? Time to Buy Low!
Bank of America's fancy pants clients are getting the jitters about deflation. So they're loading up on safe bets like utilities and low volatility ETFs. Smart but kinda boring even for a guy who spends his days blowing up aliens. I prefer my investments with a little more BOOM! "Nobody steals our freedom!" ...or our profits!
Gold and Bonds? Kiss Them Goodbye!
And what are they dumping? Gold and US Treasury bonds. To the tune of $6 billion! So if you're looking for a sweet deal on some gold bars now might be the time to pounce. As for bonds... well let's just say they're about as exciting as a tea party with my grandma. "Damn I'm good!" ...at predicting market trends.
Comments
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meduside
Crypto? Seriously? I'm staying far away from that stuff.
minders
Where's the babes?
msargent76
Deflation? That's scary!
Galporto
Duke knows what's up! Thanks for the insights!
john10
I'm investing in bubblegum and cigars. Guaranteed returns!