Burberry's 'Course Correction': 1700 Jobs, 60 Million Pounds...Is This All You Got?

First You Get the Money Then You Cut the Jobs?

Alright listen up! Burberry these fancy pants British bastards they're saying they gotta cut costs. One point seven THOUSAND jobs! 'Around 1,700 roles globally.' What is this a joke? You think I started from the top? I worked my way up and so should they. You gotta make money to spend money not cut people loose like they're garbage. They wanna save sixty million pounds huh? That's like spare change to me. 'You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend!'...metaphorically speaking of course.

Sixty Million? Chump Change I Tell Ya!

Sixty million pounds? 'Me I want it all!' They cut forty million back in November? 'All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one!' So a hundred million total? They tryin' to impress me? I used to spend more than that on *cigars*! This Schulman guy he's tryin' to fix things but he's movin' like a snail. You want things done right you gotta grab life by the balls and squeeze! Not pussyfoot around with these 'organizational changes.'

Twenty Percent? They're Clearin' House!

Twenty percent of the workforce gone? That's a bloodbath! Office based stores factory...nobody's safe. They say the sales fell a little less than expected only six percent down. 'Every day above ground is a good day.' But still sales are down! Asia Pacific is a problem and the Americas ain't lookin' so hot neither. 'Who put this thing together? Me that's who! Who do I trust? Me!'

Macroeconomic Environment? Sounds Like Bullshit to Me!

Macroeconomic this geopolitical that...It's all bullshit! Just excuses. 'I'm dealing with situations!' These guys are cryin' about 'uncertainties' and 'tensions.' I built an empire in the middle of a war zone! You gotta be ruthless you gotta be smart and you gotta have balls the size of grapefruits! This Schulman guy he's talkin' about 'sustainable profitable growth.' Sounds like a politician. 'I tell you what's good. Work. Save. Be nice to people.'

Tariffs? I Make My Own Rules!

Tariffs schariffs! They're worried about tariffs from the U.S.? 'I'm not afraid of those people.' Kate Ferry the CFO says the tariff impact is 'very dynamic.' What the hell does that even mean? She says they're 'well diversified.' Good for them! Me I diversify with machine guns and mountains of cocaine! But hey 'Don't get high on your own supply.' They better figure it out or they'll be lookin' at a whole lotta problems.

Trench Coats and Slow Burns: This Ain't No Fast Money!

Analysts say the turnaround is in 'slow burn mode.' They're focusin' on timeless pieces like the trench coat. A trench coat? That's their big idea? Sounds boring as hell! I liked fast cars and pretty women and 'This town is like a great big pussy just waiting to get f***ed!' You can't get rich slow. You gotta take risks you gotta push the limits. If Burberry wants to be on top they gotta think bigger act bolder and maybe hire a Cuban like me to run the show. 'You need people like me so you can point your f***in' fingers and say That's the bad guy.'