Snap's Got Problems, But Tony Montana's Got Solutions: You Gotta Make Money to Spend Money!

First Quarter First Problems

Alright listen up you punks! Snap these digital Cubans they come out and say they made a billion three. A BILLION! Sounds like a lot right? But they cryin' about the economy. 'Macroeconomic uncertainties,' they say. Like I give a rat's ass! You think I was worried about 'uncertainties' when I was makin' my empire? No! You find the opportunity you grab it by the balls and you don't let go! They lost eight cents a share? Peanuts! I used to lose more than that on a bad night at the Babylon Club. But did I quit? NO! I reload!

Advertising? More Like Ad VER sity!

So the revenue is up nine percent mostly from direct response advertising. But brand advertising? That's down three percent. What is this amateur hour? You gotta sell them dreams people! You gotta make them BELIEVE they need your product! Don't tell them SHOW them! Make it irresistible! These guys are worried about Trump's trade plans? Pffff! Trump couldn't organize a block party let alone a global economy. You think I let a little trade war stop me? I just found new routes new partners new angles! That's how you stay on top!

Alphabet Soup of Trouble

Even Alphabet those big shot Google guys are whinin' about ad business in Asia. Everyone's got problems! That's life! But you don't sit around and cry about it. You adjust you adapt you CONQUER! I built an empire on balls and my word these guys need to learn that before they are serving gas at the CITGO!

Cutting Costs? More Like Cutting Corners!

So Snap's cuttin' costs right? Dropping operating expenses and stock based compensation. Sounds like they're getting scared! You don't get ahead by being cheap! You gotta invest! You gotta take risks! That's the American way! You think I built my mansion by saving pennies? No! I spent money to MAKE money! This is how you make an omelet in business!

User Boom? So What?

Alright alright they got 460 million daily active users. So what? Numbers are just numbers. It's about how you monetize those eyeballs am I right? You gotta find ways to squeeze every last drop of value out of those users! And 900 million monthly users? Big deal! I could pull in bigger numbers on a Tuesday night with a pile of blow and a live band. It is nothing I tell you!

The Montana Solution

Listen Snap Meta all you tech punks: you want to survive? You want to thrive? You gotta be ruthless. You gotta be innovative. You gotta be willing to do whatever it takes. You think I got where I am by playing nice? No! I fought my way to the top and I'm stayin' there! So stop cryin' about the economy and start making some moves! Get the right people make the right deals. You got the product now you need to sell it like your life depends on it. That's how you stay on top! Now go out there and make some goddamn money! Say hello to my little friend and by little friend I mean innovation!