Say Hello to My Little Robotaxi Empire! Waymo Doubling Down, Like I Doubled My Money!

First You Get the Money Then You Get the Robotaxis!

Listen up you punks! Tony Montana's here and I'm talkin' business. Waymo that Google…Alphabet crap they think they're slick. Doublin' robotaxi production in Arizona? That's right they gonna build more than 2,000 Jaguar I PACE cars at their plant. That's like me doublin' my… well you know. But instead of makin' more money they wanna flood the streets with these driverless coffins huh?! This is America you gotta make the money first...then when you get the money you get the power! Then when you get the power then you get the woman!

Say Hello to My Little 6th Generation Driver!

They're braggin' about their '6th generation Waymo Driver' technology. Sounds like somethin' outta Star Wars! Waymo says the plant will be "capable of building tens of thousands of fully autonomous Waymo vehicles per year," when it is fully built out. That's a lotta freakin' robots. What's next robot cooks? Robot gardeners? I hope they make these robotaxi's bulletproof because you never know when the competition gonna come knocking...

Phoenix is the New Miami But With Less Sunshine and More Sand!

Phoenix Arizona... now Waymo's domestic manufacturing home. Used to be Miami where the real action was. But hey times change. They already doin' 250,000 paid driverless rides a week. That's a lotta fares! Austin San Francisco Los Angeles Phoenix... they're spreadin' like a freakin' disease! And now they wanna take over Atlanta Miami D.C.?! This is gettin' like my old expansion plans. Remember what I did in Bolivia? This Waymo crap is nothing compared to that!

Pichai and His Optionality... Sounds Like a Weasel Word No?

That Alphabet CEO Sundar Pichai says they don't have a long term plan yet? He says there's "future optionality around personal ownership." Sounds like a weasel word no? Like sayin' 'Maybe you can own one maybe you can't who knows?!' I never had 'optionality.' I had a plan and I stuck to it! Until... well you know.

Musk vs. Waymo: A War of Sensors and Egos!

And then there's Elon Musk with his Tesla garbage. He's cryin' that Waymo's cars cost more. Of course they do! You get what you pay for pal! My suits cost more than your whole freakin' car! He wants to launch his own robotaxis in Austin. Let him try. I'll be waitin' with my… er never mind. But remember what I always say: "You need people like me so you can point your freakin' fingers and say 'That's the bad guy'."

Say Goodnight to the Bad Guy... And Hello to the Robotaxi Future?

So Waymo's winnin' the robotaxi race for now. But this is just the beginnin'. The world is changing and even Tony Montana has to adapt. But remember one thing: Never underestimate the power of a good pile of cash and a little bit of crazy! Now if you'll excuse me I got a meeting with a little friend of mine...