Say Hello to My Little Data Centers! Vantage Scores Big in Europe!

First You Get the Data Then You Get the Money!

Listen up you punks! Vantage these guys they went to Europe and they scored. 720 million euros! That’s like… a mountain of blow! They’re calling it a ‘first of its kind deal,’ securitizing their data centers in Germany. Four of them! Like my four favorite guns… except instead of bullets these things are loaded with information see? They're talking about paying 4.3% on these bonds. 4.3%! I used to make more than that in an hour! But hey it’s honest work… mostly.

Collateral? I Got Collateral!

These guys they’re using their data centers as collateral. Collateral! Like when I used Manny’s ass to secure a deal with Sosa. These guys they're smart see? They're saying the money’s gonna pay off existing construction loans. Basically they’re taking care of business. It's all about business baby!

Demand Exceeds Supply? That's My Kind of Party!

These Vantage guys they're bragging about how everyone wants a piece of this action. Over subscribed they say! Like there’s more junkies than cocaine. They’re tightening pricing squeezing every last drop out of those investors. Now that's what I call efficiency! These Germans love the data they need the data they can't live without it.

Berlin and Frankfurt: Hotspots for Hyperscalers

Two data centers in Berlin two in Frankfurt. All fully leased. Hyperscale customers they say. Sounds like fancy talk for big players with a big appetite for information. These guys are like Sosa but with computers instead of guns! With access to 64 megawatts of power. That’s enough juice to keep my whole empire running even after that bitch Gina blew all the fuses!

Ratings? Who Needs Ratings?

They got some fancy ratings. 'A rated,' 'BBB rated.' Who gives a flying f***? All I care about is the cash the product the power! Scope Ratings can kiss my little friend! But okay if it makes the investors sleep better at night. Sleep is for the weak anyway am I right?

EMEA is the New Miami

EMEA – Europe Middle East and Africa. Sounds like my next expansion plan! They raised £600 million last year too! This market's growing faster than my bank account after a good week in Miami. These guys are leading the charge making Europe a data center paradise. Investors are getting comfortable they say. Maybe I should get comfortable over there too...