Quantum Computing: From Useless to Universe-Ending (Maybe)

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub It's Quantum Time!

Alright Morty gather 'round. Seems like everyone's got a hard on for quantum computing these days. Google Microsoft Amazon even the freakin' *government* are throwing money at this thing like it's gonna solve all their problems. Two billion bucks went to startups last year Morty! Two *billion*! For what? So far they made less than 750 million in sales in 2024. Talk about a squanchy investment.

Qubits: Not Your Grandpa's Transistors

So what's the deal? Well instead of your regular '1's and '0's these quantum computers use 'qubits.' It's like imagine your regular computer is a light switch – on or off. Now imagine a quantum computer is... uh... a light switch that's *both* on and off *at the same time*. Mind blowing right? No? Fine whatever Morty. The point is it's more complicated. They’re all “entangled,” too. Like your Aunt Karen at Thanksgiving after too much Chardonnay. Everything's connected Morty! Everything is connected! But it needs to be cold. Really cold. Like colder than my ex wife's heart cold. Absolute zero Morty! Imagine the electricity bill! Geez…

Encryption? More Like En CRAP tion!

So here's the kicker: encryption. Turns out these quantum doohickies might be able to crack all our fancy digital secrets. Passwords bank transactions your embarrassing search history – all vulnerable! The government's freaking out about 'Q Day,' the day these things get good enough to break everything. Suddenly China wants to be friends? *Burrrp* Yeah right Morty. They just want to steal our memes... and our nuclear launch codes! But hey even Apple is getting in on this and working on post quantum methods. See even they know they squanched up.

Quantum Supremacy: A Benchmark for What Exactly?

Of course we have these jokers claiming 'quantum supremacy.' Google of course was the first to claim it saying they built a computer to do some pointless task faster than a normal computer. They did 'random circuit sampling'. Basically a benchmark no one cares about Morty! Just something to jerk off the nerds. But hey at least they're working on fusion energy to commercialize the science needed to achieve that.

Potential? Or Just Potential for Disappointment?

Alright so what's the *real* potential here? Medicine chemistry materials research... maybe. Quantum computers might help us discover new drugs or figure out why stuff corrodes. They can also be used to generate training data for AI. But let's be real Morty it's probably just gonna lead to another Skynet situation. Maybe and I emphasize *maybe* it’ll improve medicine. You know find a cure for your crippling social anxiety or something. But I wouldn't hold your breath Morty. I wouldn't hold your breath.

Error Correction: Because Even Supercomputers Screw Up

Here's the real problem: these qubits are about as reliable as a fart in a spacesuit. They screw up like one out of 1,000 times! So everyone's working on 'error correction.' Basically trying to make these things less glitchy. Microsoft even claimed they reduced the error rate by a thousandfold. Which is great! Now they just need to scale these things up. Google's Willow chip has 105 qubits. Microsoft's Majorana has eight which are probably all the screws up I just mentioned. But hey progress is progress. It's still gonna be a while before these things are actually useful. So in the meantime Morty let's go get some Szechuan sauce.