Clipper Card Glitch? San Francisco Commuters Ride Free! Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!

Clipper Down? Reality Check Time!

Alright alright alright! Rick here your friendly neighborhood genius (and raging alcoholic). So apparently the Clipper card system in San Francisco crapped itself. Like totally went kaput. The result? Free rides for everyone! I'm talking buses trains the whole shebang. Now I've seen universes powered by squirrels and sentient toast so a little payment system glitch? Meh. Don't even get me started. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. But hey free is free right? As I always say 'If I paid for this I'd ask for my money back!'

Bay Area Transportation: More Like 'Bay Area Chaos'

The geniuses over at the 'Bay Area Clipper' (whoever the hell they are) tweeted about the outage. Real helpful guys. Said people should 'be prepared to pay with another form of payment'. Oh really? Like what? Space currency? Are they expecting people to pull out some Floopy Dooblers? Look the Metropolitan Transportation Commission (MTC) these pencil pushers manages this whole mess. They handle transportation for the entire nine county Bay Area which is like trying to herd cats only the cats are all on electric scooters and complaining about rent. I could build a better system with a couple of microverse batteries and a trained Fleeb. But will they listen? Noooooooo...

Tech Bro Express: Now With Extra Free!

Hundreds of thousands of tech workers in San Francisco and Silicon Valley depend on this rickety system. Let me tell you something about tech workers. They're all about the latest gadgets and algorithms but when the simplest payment system goes belly up they're suddenly helpless! It’s like giving a quantum physicist a flat tire to fix. Hilarious right? Maybe they should use their coding skills to fix the damn Clipper system. Or better yet invent teleportation! Then we'll be talking. But I doubt that. That's a level 5 technology while this Clipper thing is level negative 2.

Pandemic Aftermath and the Fare Gate Fiasco

BART (that's the Bay Area Rapid Transit for all you non Californian plebs) has been installing fare gates. Because you know stopping people from riding for free is *such* a novel concept. Apparently exits are down from the pre pandemic days. No surprise there. Everyone's working from home. Or if they're smart they're hopping dimensions to avoid the commute altogether! Look I'm not saying steal but I'm also not saying *don't* steal from a broken overfunded system. You know? 'Nobody exists on purpose nobody belongs anywhere everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV?'

Clipper 2.0: Still Loading...

Oh and get this! The MTC has plans for 'Clipper 2.0'! 'Customer focused' 'cost effective' 'flexible platform'. Sounds like corporate buzzword bingo to me. It's been routinely delayed which is surprising no one. Bureaucracy moves at the speed of a three legged Slurm. They're promising 'expanded retail online and mobile sales.' I am telling you all of these are meaningless. More avenues to sell your data if you ask me. Wake up sheeple! The update has been delayed so much people are rioting at the board meetings. I'd join them but I'm too busy inventing interdimensional cable.

Free Rides Today Galactic Conquest Tomorrow!

In conclusion San Francisco got a free ride (literally). The lesson here? Don't rely on technology. Or governments. Or anything really. Except maybe me. I mean I'm usually right. Except when I'm wrong. Which is never. Okay sometimes. Fine maybe a lot. But mostly right! Now if you'll excuse me I've got a portal to open to a dimension where Szechuan sauce never went out of style. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!