Holy Crap Lois! GM's Bringing Car Jobs Back to the Good Ol' US of A!

Four Billion Dollars?! Giggity!

Alright alright alright! So I hear that General Motors or as I like to call them 'The Guys Who Make the Things That Get Me to the Drunken Clam,' are throwing down a whopping four BILLION dollars! That's like enough to buy a lifetime supply of Pawtucket Patriot Ale and still have enough left over for a solid gold diaper for Stewie. Apparently they're gonna invest in three American assembly plants which means more jobs for us hard working beer bellied Americans! This is almost as exciting as the time I won that pie eating contest except this time nobody gets covered in cherry filling. Well maybe me if Lois gets excited enough…

Bye Bye Mexico Hello Detroit (and Tennessee and Kansas too)!

Turns out GM is pulling some of their car production back from Mexico. Those sneaky Mexicans! They've been building our cars! It's like that time Quagmire tried to steal my Meg's heart... wait nobody wants Meg. Anyways this means the Chevrolet Blazer and Equinox those gas guzzling beauties are gonna be rolling off the assembly lines right here in the US of A! Detroit Tennessee and Kansas – get ready for some car making action! Maybe I should apply for a job. What do you think Lois? I could be a quality control inspector. My only quality control test would be if it can drive over a speed bump without me spilling my beer.

Trump's Tariffs: Are They Actually Working? (Don't Tell Him I Said That)

So the article says this whole shebang might be a win for Trump's policies and those tariffs he slapped on imported vehicles. Now I'm no political genius I still think the earth is flat but it looks like someone finally did something right for once. But if the tariffs are working why is my beer still so expensive?! It should be free I tell ya! I should write a strongly worded letter.

Two Million Vehicles a Year?! Holy Fried Clams!

GM is gonna be pumping out over two million vehicles a year in the US! That's a lot of cars folks. Enough to cause a serious traffic jam in Quahog. I can just picture it now: me stuck in gridlock yelling at everyone honking my horn like a maniac. Ah good times. Reminds me of that time Petercopter failed and I almost took out the whole town. Ah man…

Electric Schmectric! More Gas Guzzlers Please!

And here's the kicker: GM was gonna make all electric trucks at one of their plants but now they're switching gears and building gas powered SUVs and trucks instead! Take that Greta Thunberg! I mean I'm all for saving the planet and all that but I love my gas guzzlers. What's more American than a big ol' truck belching out fumes? It's like a middle finger to Mother Nature and I'm all for it. BIRD IS THE WORD!

Where Does the Money Come From? Who Cares!

So GM is planning on spending between 10 and 12 billion dollars a year through 2027. That's a lot of dough! I wonder if I can get them to invest in my next get rich quick scheme which is getting rich from TikTok influencers. I'll be rich as Carter in no time! They're probably just printing money at this point. You know like when I tried to start my own currency the 'Peter Pound.' That didn't end well but at least I got drunk that day. And that is what I call… a win!