Holy Crap Lois! Amazon's Slingin' Pet Meds Now!

Giggity Giggity Pet Prescriptions!

Alright Lois this is huge! Amazon yeah the place where I bought that cutaway gag guillotine (didn't work by the way) is now selling pet meds! They're teaming up with Vetsource which sounds like a company run by a bunch of talking dogs in lab coats. Think of it Lois no more dragging Brian to the vet just for his…ahem…'special' treats. Now we can just order 'em online! It’s like that time I ordered a lifetime supply of pudding but for Brian...and maybe Stewie if he behaves himself.

Fleas? Ticks? Just Blame Obama!

So they got all sorts of stuff from flea and tick meds (damn those little buggers) to stuff for when Mr. Whiskers starts acting all mopey and singing emo songs. You know the usual cat stuff. They say it’s 'hundreds' of medications. Hundreds! That’s like more than the number of times I’ve accidentally set the house on fire. You just need a vet to sign off which let's be honest is probably easier than getting Mort Goldman to understand a joke.

Two to Six Days? That's Slower Than Joe!

Vetsource is handling the delivery and they say it takes two to six days. Two to six days! That’s longer than it takes Joe to get up the stairs! I mean come on Amazon! I thought you were all about that next day or even same day delivery! I need Brian's de wormer NOW! He's been eyeing Meg's underwear drawer again. This is almost as bad as the time I tried to deliver a pizza myself using a homemade rocket pack.

Chewy? Never Heard of Her! (Except I Have)

So apparently this puts Amazon in direct competition with Chewy and Walmart. Chewy? Is that like a Star Wars thing? I only know that name because Lois is always comparing me to a Wookie. Whatever bring it on! Amazon's got that Prime thingy and you know I love my Prime. Free shipping! Discounts! It’s like Christmas every day except instead of presents it’s just more stuff for me to hide in the basement...like that time I 'borrowed' Quagmire's inflatable girlfriend.

Amazon: Now Officially Part of the Medical Mafia

This pet thing is part of Amazon's whole healthcare takeover. They even bought One Medical! One Medical? Sounds like the name of a terrible hospital sitcom. Anyway they also bought PillPack a while back. So basically Amazon is trying to become the next Mayo Clinic but with more discounts and probably a drone delivery service that accidentally drops your pills into a neighbor's swimming pool. It’s kinda like when I tried to start my own hospital...remember that Lois? The Griffinhospital! Eh it was shut down for...reasons.

Robot Butlers? Yes Please!

They even have robots now that can 'feel' what they touch! I could really use one of those to rub my feet after a long day of...you know...sitting on the couch. I just hope they don't start developing feelings or we're all gonna be in trouble. Reminds me of that time I built a robot maid… Let's just say she was a little *too* efficient with the dusting if you catch my drift. Heh heh heh.