Giggity Giggity Goo! We're Going to Mars! Thanks, Trump and That Musk Guy!

Trump and Musk: A Match Made in...Space?

Alright so apparently Trump you know the guy who used to run this whole shebang and Elon Musk the dude who thinks driving a car in space is a good idea want to send us all to Mars. I'm thinking 'Great! Another excuse to avoid Lois' meatloaf!' Musk says his company SpaceX can get us there by 2029. That's like what three seasons of 'The Bachelorette' from now? Giggity.

NASA and China: The Buzzkills of the Galaxy

But then here comes NASA all like 'Whoa hold your horses Musk! 2040 is more realistic.' And China? They're planning a Mars research station by 2038. So basically it's a space race but everyone's moving at the speed of a Brian Griffin novel. 'Oh I'm so sophisticated let me take twenty years to write a story about space travel!'

Why Mars? To Escape Lois and Natural Disasters Duh!

Musk says going to Mars is about saving humanity from stuff like natural disasters and wars. Look I get it. Earth has its problems. But at least here I know where the Quahog Clam Festival is every year. And of course Mars is just a much larger area of which I can get lost with my buddies. Plus maybe there are aliens who appreciate my Petercopter impression. 'Wheeeee!'

The Science of Martian Living: Is There Beer?

Scientists are all excited because Mars might have had liquid water and stuff. One scientist said 'The early Earth and Mars were twins.' So if life started on Earth maybe it started on Mars too! Which means...maybe there's beer there! If not I'm out. 'Freakin' sweet' that I wouldn't have to pay for it though.

The Starship: More Like a Star Oops!

Musk's plan to get us to Mars involves something called Starship the biggest rocket ever built. They did a test flight and the rocket exploded. Exploding rockets? That's my kind of excitement! It's like when I tried to build a go kart out of Meg's old bike...except with more fire. (Sorry Meg!)

Utah: Mars' Newest Suburb?

Some folks went to Utah to see what life on Mars might be like. Utah? I thought Mars was supposed to be exciting! Utah is about as exciting as watching paint dry. At least they didn't go to Cleveland... heh heh.