Excellent... Housing Market Only Slightly Inaccessible to the Hoi Polloi!

A Plague of Affordable Housing? Nonsense!

Good heavens what's this I'm reading? Apparently the commoners are having trouble acquiring properties! Ever since that dreadful pandemic – a blight upon my stock portfolio I tell you – mortgage rates have been lower than Smithers' spine and now they're whining about prices. Prices I say! They should be grateful to even breathe the same air as a house let alone own one. The S&P CoreLogic Case Shiller Index sounds like something that'd give you a rash if you ask me says prices are up 39% since before this whole ordeal began! Excellent...

Supply and Demand: A Fickle Mistress

Now it seems the 'supply crunch' is easing. What utter poppycock! They should be grateful for what little they get. Demand they say is strongest among the lower classes. As if they deserve anything! It's simple economics you simpletons: I have it you don't. Now if you'll excuse me I have a diamond mine to exploit...

Affordability: A Concept Lost on the Proletariat

This National Association of Realtors… sounds suspiciously like a union! They've concocted a report filled with numbers and percentages all designed to make me feel guilty. As if I haven't earned every single house mansion and castle I own! Apparently if you earn between $75,000 and $100,000 – a pittance! – you can afford slightly more houses than last year. A whole 0.4% more! They should be throwing parades in my honor!

A Balanced Market? Utter Hogwash!

A 'balanced market'? Preposterous! The ideal state is one where I have everything and everyone else has nothing. It builds character! This report suggests that the 'middle class' – a disgusting term I might add – should be able to afford 48% of listings. Why that's practically socialism! They need 416,000 more listings priced at or below $255,000? Well perhaps they should try being born into a wealthy family. It works wonders I assure you.

The Serfs and Their Shoeboxes

And for those earning below $75,000? A mere 8.7% of listings are within their reach! Good! Serves them right for not being born into money. A homebuyer with a salary of $50,000 could afford just 8.7% of available listings in March compared with 9.4% in March 2024 and 27.8% in March 2019. Higher income households have near total access to the housing market. I say let them eat cake... or better yet let them eat nothing! It builds character!

Cooling Markets? An Opportunity for Predatory Lending!

This Danielle Hale from Realtor.com chirps about 'moderate income price points.' Says progress hasn't been uniform. Some markets are 'balanced,' others are 'cooling off.' All I hear are opportunities! Time to unleash the hounds and buy up those distressed properties! Smithers fetch my monocle and the deed to Shelbyville... I mean uh never mind. Just find me some cheap land!