Excellent! Burns' Take on Theme Park Wars: Disney and Universal Duke It Out!

Release the Hounds... of Capital!

Bah! So these nincompoops at Disney and Universal think they can throw money at amusement parks and suddenly become Midas? As if! I C. Montgomery Burns know a thing or two about investments and these sums they're bandying about are simply ludicrous! Seven *billion* for Universal's Epic Universe? Sixty billion good heavens from Disney? Preposterous. Smithers remind me to re evaluate my holdings in… well *everything*. And release the hounds I want to see if they can dig up any actual profits out of this venture.

A Fool and His Money Are Soon Parted... and Working for Me!

This Brian Roberts fellow Chairman of Comcast calling it the 'single largest investment'… Oh poppycock! It's a gamble plain and simple. Building more rollercoasters while the economy teeters on the brink? It's madness I tell you! Sheer unadulterated madness! But you know what they say Smithers: 'a fool and his money are soon parted.' And when they are that money inevitably finds its way into *my* coffers. Excellent!

Disney's 'Creative Intent' or Just More Overpriced Souvenirs?

And Disney! Oh Disney! Their 'lion's share' of investment sounds more like a desperate attempt to distract from their… *questionable* creative decisions lately. 'Creative intent?' I suspect it's just code for 'overpriced mouse ears and genetically modified churros.' Smithers are we still invested in that ghastly 'Frozen on Ice' spectacle? Sell it! Sell it all!

Tourism Downturn? Excellent...

Ah yes the specter of economic volatility. That's music to my ears! While these corporate simpletons scramble to open their gates people are tightening their purse strings. 'Be cautious in your spending,' says some so called expert. Precisely! Less spending on frivolities means more savings… which of course are just waiting to be invested in *my* ventures. I look forward to buying up those cheap stocks.

Burns' Prediction: Chaos and… Opportunity!

This 'Epic' summer as they call it will be anything but. Expect long lines melted ice cream and the gnashing of teeth as families realize their 'dream vacation' is costing them their children's college fund. But mark my words Smithers amidst the chaos there will be opportunity! Opportunity to buy low sell high and maybe even… acquire a theme park or two. Imagine Burnsland! The possibilities!

Smithers Prepare the Acquisition Team!

So will these investments pay off? Hah! The only thing I'm certain of is that I C. Montgomery Burns will find a way to profit from their folly. Smithers assemble the acquisition team. We're going to Orlando. And bring the hounds just in case anyone gets any funny ideas about cutting into my profits. Oh and Smithers remind me to buy out that pesky 'Krusty Burger' while we're there. It's time for Burns Burgers!