Dastardly Disaster or Divine Dividend Helicopter Horror in Hudson!

Curses! Foiled Again!

Bah! A helicopter *my* helicopter if the fates were just has plunged into the Hudson! Six souls lost including I hear a family visiting from... Spain? Blast it all! The only Spaniards I want near me are the ones bearing gold! This is simply dreadful... for property values of course. Smithers remind me to buy up some waterfront property at a discount now. And release the hounds I want answers!

The Pilot?! A Bungler!

The report claims a 'pilot' was at the helm. Pilot?! More like a pudding brained nincompoop! Flying up to 1,100 feet and then *crashing*? Back in my day pilots knew how to fly... or at least how to bribe the right officials to cover up their mistakes. This company 'New York Helicopters,' sounds like the sort of fly by night operation that would hire Lionel Hutz. "Works on contingency? No money down!"

A Propeller?! Preposterous!

A witness claims a propeller came loose? A propeller?! Smithers are the propellers on *my* helicopters properly affixed? I wouldn't want to suffer the same fate as these unfortunate saps although admittedly the life insurance payout would be... tempting. No! Bad Burns! A billion dollars is a lot but it's no fun spending it if you're dead! Or… is it?

Investigations Investigations Irritating!

Now the National Transportation Safety Board and the Federal Aviation Administration are sticking their noses in. Nosy parkers! I’ll wager they will point fingers file reports and accomplish absolutely nothing except waste taxpayer money. All this 'investigation' when a simple solution exists: blame the pilot! Problem solved. Now if you'll excuse me Smithers I need to find a dart board with Eric Adams' picture on it.

Echoes of Errors Past!

This isn't the first time a metal bird has taken a nosedive around here Smithers! A photoshoot gone wrong a foggy flight into a building… This town is cursed I tell you! Cursed with incompetence! Maybe I should invest in blimps instead. Or better yet a fleet of giant mechanical butterflies. Yes! 'Release the robotic Richard Simmonses!'

Excellent! Just What I Needed!

Well this has been an unpleasant reminder of my own mortality. Time for a nap in my oxygen tent. Smithers fetch me my teddy bear Bobo and a vial of that rejuvenating elixir I had brewed up. And remind me to fire those helicopter mechanics first thing in the morning! This is just what I needed… nothing! "Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."