Are We All Doomed Smithers?! Consumer Sentiment Plummets Like My Approval Ratings!

Excellent News? Hardly!

Bah! Sentiment you say? It's all poppycock I tell you! This so called 'University of Michigan survey' (Michigan? Sounds like a place full of union organizers) claims consumer sentiment has gone down the drain faster than Smithers after a martini lunch. Down to 50.8! I haven't seen numbers this low since I checked my life insurance policy's payout. And to think I was planning on buying another power plant. Maybe two!

Inflation! It Burns Burns Burns!

Inflation! A scourge upon the land! Worse than hippies I tell you! These whippersnappers expect inflation to hit 6.7% next year. Highway robbery! Back in my day a nickel could buy you a newspaper a shoeshine and a decent indentured servant! Now? You can barely afford a single share of Burns OmniMedia stock! Oh the humanity!

A Recession? Good!

Recession you say? Well isn't that just splendid! A little bit of economic hardship builds character! And lower stock prices are perfect for scooping up companies on the cheap! I haven't been this excited since I cornered the market on enriched uranium! Release the hounds!

Tariffs! A Tax on the Little People!

President Trump's tariffs you say? Ahem well that's for common folk to worry about. A wise man once told me “Them that's got shall get them that's not shall lose.” I believe it was a personal motto I had inscribed on my diamond encrusted paperweight given to me by Satan himself. I'm sure the average joe will find a way to be exploited regardless.

Market Based Expectations? Lies!

Market based expectations? Don't listen to those ninnies! They're all in cahoots with Big Financial! I've seen more honesty from a pack of rabid wolves! I'll believe it when I see it and I won't see it because I'll be busy counting my money!

CNBC Pro LIVE! Invest in ME!

CNBC Pro LIVE at the New York Stock Exchange? Why waste your time with those dullards when you could be investing in Burns OmniMedia? I'm practically giving shares away at these prices! (Relatively speaking of course. A relative of mine is very cheap labor). Just remember kids "Money can be exchanged for goods and services!" Now if you'll excuse me I have a meeting with a team of lawyers to discuss my latest nefarious scheme. Smithers! Bring me my lemon wedges!