Amazon Stock Doomed Wall Street Duped D OH!

Excellent...ly Bad News for Bezos!

Bah! That Bezos fellow! Always trying to undercut my power plant with his… delivery drones. Raymond James bless their pea brained souls have finally seen the light! They've downgraded Amazon and not a moment too soon! From 'Strong Buy' to just 'Outperform'? Pathetic! They even lowered the target price. Serves him right for not donating to my campaign for… well never you mind. Smithers remind me to send a strongly worded telegram... no make that a carrier pigeon to Mr. Bezos. Something along the lines of 'Release the hounds!' but more… business like.

Tariffs and Tribulations: A Burnsian Perspective

These tariffs you see are not just numbers on a ledger! They are… opportunities! Opportunities for yours truly! While Amazon struggles with its Chinese dependencies – a foolish reliance I might add – the Springfield Power Plant stands strong! We don't need China! We have… uh… Lenny and Carl! Yes they're practically a whole continent of labor themselves. And this 'investment intensity' they speak of? Poppycock! True power comes from… minimizing expenses! Just ask Waylon Smithers my own personal investment… in loyalty of course.

AI? More Like A I Yiyi! What a Load of Hooey!

Artificial Intelligence? Pfaugh! A passing fad! Give me good old fashioned… questionable safety standards any day! These Wall Street types obsessed with 'monetization progress'! They clearly haven't learned the Burns School of Economics: Spend nothing earn everything! It’s elementary! But they are concerned about earnings... HAH! They should see my tax returns! The artistry! The sheer… audacity!

Shipping Shenanigans: A Burnsian Solution

Eleven percent shipping to rural areas eh? Sounds inefficient. Perhaps I should acquire Amazon's shipping division? Or better yet hire a team of… trained beagles to deliver packages! Yes! Operation… 'Hound Dog Delivery'! Smithers begin the paperwork! And find me a beagle trainer. One who doesn't ask too many questions… or expect to be paid.

Dwindling Shares? An Opportunity Knocks!

Down 21.3% for the year? Excellent! Now is the time to… pounce! Like a vulture on a… slightly used… stock certificate! I shall buy up all the shares corner the market and then… turn Amazon into… another wing of the Springfield Power Plant! They can deliver electricity! Or at the very least provide a steady supply of paperweights for my office.

Pro LIVE at the NYSE? I'd Rather Face the Hounds!

An exclusive event at the New York Stock Exchange? With… 'experts'? Bah! I'd rather spend an afternoon wrestling a gorilla! (Although come to think of it that does sound rather… entertaining.) These 'Pros' with their 'insights'! They know nothing! True financial acumen comes from… being older than dirt and having a complete disregard for human life! Smithers remind me to decline their invitation. Unless… are they serving sherry? And do they have those little cocktail weenies? Oh alright put it on the calendar but only if I get a free commemorative paperweight.